Trying2live-Post #4

[AllW8SBF]

Hope you crack me up, between you and T2L and the Hickie you girls could and have really caused some stress in these adulterating woman. Have her running for the hills. And the real funny part is now she is looking needy to him, oh he is going to hate that she can't defend herself against his own wife.
I don't know if I'd text him though, but you had to share the laugh with someone.

Well girls I have not been on in the past few days, nothing really great has happened at least as far as a reconciliation is concerned.
What I do feel is GREAT! I really do, and I have to thank all of you, and GOD.
I've given all control to God and just in a matter of hours he was at work. There is so much to tell and not sure how many of you would really be able to get it, T2L I def think you could.

Let's see, well besides just praying God will give me strength and guidance, and heal me of the pain. And GAL. My positive attitude has everyone looking, even H. I think it mystifies him a bit. I still feel a bit filtered as I don't know what is the right thing to say, and he's still not really telling me what is really in him, I'm supposed to have a crystal ball and just know.

For instance he just told me yesterday, we were talking about splitting things up (again like I said we are not reconciling, but it's not over yet) and we have this time share thing we just got early this year that I really didn't want. Well he says that purchase was a last ditch effort basically he said "that was a 4,000 ring just slipped (he did the action and all) onto my finger" trying to get me to care.
I don't know what to say - can someone help me with this, explain how this and many of these situations like this just pass me by and I don't realize he's trying to be sweet and loving and I don't do anything I don't reciprocate I'm a horrible wife. I didn't say that but, why do I do this, and how can I make sure I don't do it in the future. I mean it's obvious now when he puts it the way with the 4,000 ring bit but before, yeh sure I love to travel - more than him but it's for both of us. UGGG I felt horrible.

So the other night H texted me that he was going out with his friend and not to worry about dinner. So I'm praying to God as I'm driving (I do this now everyday when I come home from work, no radio my whole 45-60 min drive is prayer.) Speak to me, write on the walls (charlyne sentiment) what should I do, do I fight for this marriage or move on? Well all of a sudden I remember a bulletin I got from church and I remember there were 2 things I MAY have enough nerve to go to. One was a Vow enrichment course from Mothers at the Well, and the other was a Divorce Recovery meeting, handling the holidays. Well I didn't remember what date or time these were, I new one was in 2 weeks one was on a thursday and the day I was thinking of this was a Wedensday. Well say ok God I'll go, give me strength to walk through those doors. So I get home and get the bulletin - now I could have looked and it could have turned out there was nothing tonight, or the divorce one was tonight or the marriage one. Well there was one for that night - it was the Marriage one - Vow and Marriage Enrichment. So I went!!! Woohoo, it was the most awesome night of my LIFE! Ok maybe an exaggeration but it was great.
First I had time before hand so I watched Oprah - I don't tend to watch her, but she had Laura Berman on and I'm in some serious sexual issues right now - major issue in marriage. And she made me feel great watching that show. I'm normal and there is something I can do to help me!
Then I went to the ME thing at the church and met other woman, one was divorced with 3 children, but she was at a marriage enrichment. And the speaker talked about what have you done for your marriage today? Showed quick clips of asking people what they've done, they were so funny, from I got ketchup, mustard and utensils for my H for his sandwich to I respected my wife today.
She encouraged EVERYONE to go to see Fireproof, I have not gone yet as I'm afraid it will just hurt too much right now.

She read prayers and reminded us we didn't get a script when we got married. We didn't know that in 2 years we'd have a kid, and then 3 mos after that the child would get sick, and 4 mos after that their would be a loss in the family and ...
If we knew would we want it, what would we have done? We didn't so that is what we have to deal with.

She told a story about how she came home one day and started cooking dinner, then her H came home and just sat down on the couch - didn't even come in and say hello. So she starts slamming cupboards, and pans and he pops in and says, hey what's wrong? She says - nothing. He's like oh ok, and goes back to the couch. Now because he didn't meet her need for a hello and a hug (oh did you know she wanted that - did you hear her tell him - no) she felt he CHOSE not to do what she wanted - but he didn't know, so when he needed something she didn't give it to him and around and around this went.
How many times have we done that? How do they know? We feel if we have to tell them it doesn't mean as much, if anything it actually means more because no it's not just luck or pure chance that they did something right, they CHOSE you if they do it.
And it makes them feel good because then you praise them.

It was such an uplifting great class. She ended it with a prayer from the book "The Power of a Praying Wife".
This book is great - it has prayers for
His Wife
His Work
His Affection
His Temptations
His Purpose
His Choices
His Priorities
His Relationships
His Fatherhood
His Marriage
His Emotions
His Repentance
His Deliverance
His Obedience
His Faith
His Future

Again I really believe prayer will help your sanity your family, and your marriage and your husband.

Ok talk to you later.