TnGuy's Thread

[Bagheera]

I guess my duty as her husband is to make her feel safe and cherished for her whole self, not just what she can give me in bed. And, of course, doing that will (fingers crossed) make her feel even more attracted to me. Win-win!

Indeed. Women tend to feel the most loved due to things outside of the bedroom. Good sex, from their perspective, is a nice icing on the cake. Using John Gray's terminology, your job is to make sure that she feels: respected, validated in her opinions and feelings, supported and cared for by you, and as you state above, cherished. Acts of service on your part are EXTREMELY IMPORTANT --> anything that you can do to lighten her burden, take over a duty, or cross off one more item on her daily "to do" list.

At the same time, keep working on the five items listed by Gary and Barbara Rosberg. Frequently (and honestly) affirm how beautiful and attractive she is to you. Maintain a close friendship, talk often, and keep up a firm emotional connection. During the day, and particularly when she is wrapped up in her daily routine and duties, supply plenty of non-sexual touch, hugs and acts of physical connection that don't make her feel like she's being ogled and groped. As often as the ideas strike you, romnace and court your wife as if you were still dating (this goes a long way toward making her feel cherished), and when the mood and time is right, seduce her into bed, rather than just asking "Wanna go upstairs?" And finally, display your spiritual side in your relationship, not just reading and quoting doctrine, but sharing the more private, personal, and heartfelt aspects with your wife.

{dusts off hands} There...that should keep us both busy for a while. I needed the above reminders to myself, also.

-- B.

P.S. I'll have to admit to having a small warning bell in my head with your posts TnGuy, stemming from the influence that Shere Hite's The Hite Report had on my ideas regarding female sexuality as a young man (some good influence, some not so good). My concern is this: *most* women who are multi-orgasmic are that way out of practice --> they've explored their own sensuality and sexuality (both by themselves and with a partner), have learned what pleases themselves, focused on it, and have conditioned themselves to it. On the other hand, *most* women who have severe inhibitions, have sexual hang-ups and sex-related guilt, who don't masturbate or consider themselves to be sensual and sexual, are often non-orgasmic or barely orgasmic with a partner (and usually never through intercourse alone). Add to this the fact that when surveyed, over 50% of women admit to faking orgasms when they feel pressured to achieve one. So you see the cause of my concern.

If I were you, I'd do some Internet research into all of the various signs of female orgasm (and these are often subtle and variable from woman to woman and orgasm to orgasm), and then pay close attention to your wife and watch for those signs during sex. I'm NOT saying accuse her of anything -- you may just be very, very lucky with her -- but read up on it and pay close attention to her signs and indicators. And if you think things aren't entirely genuine, then be very gentle: she's been trying to protect your feelings and ego, not be malicious.