Trying2live-Post #4

[AllW8SBF]

TXMOM I would agree with your analysis about mixed reviews about exposing Affair. But if you look at what you were saying or to be blunt - the excuses you were making,
"they are a very non-confrontational family and hold things in just like my H did and never shared that he wasn't happy with me. so that was a waste. Looking at it this way has caused you to have this UNSUPPORTED VIEW of peoples response - you've only told one set of people and only one set has not done anything - yet.

My family of course doesn't see him and won't so that is no help. they will help you !

the OW is in his business and those are the people that don't know and if I told anyone it wouldn't come from a place of them "helping" ... I just asked him yesterday who all he has told even that we are separated and he said no one but his boss and gave no details... SIRENS GOING OFF HERE, he hasn't told anyone WHY????? if his reasons are so solid and that it's just he doesn't love you anymore then tell them, they'd be happy he had someone new in his life if they knew he was soooo unhappy with you - oh wait that's right it's because they will know he was happy and now he has just lost his way.
all my H friends are all in the same business so that is why he wouldn't tell and he would say it has nothing to do with the OW ... I didn't love my W anymore. See above, he's not telling anyone cause they won't believe him because HE DOESN'T BELIEVE IT!

so hard so I say you need to be careful with this.. I don't think my H is sneaky now he is out and goes out with her and her friends ... but he sees her around business functions and they just hide it and pretend nothing is going on... " Hmmm do you see what your saying here - he's not sneaky now, but he's only going out with her and HER FRIENDS, not anyone who KNOWS him. Now I know, we all know what your thinking we are right there or at least some of us are there now, or were there in the past - we are afraid to tell - why - because as Harley said, he'll be angry, even you said, you'll get no support - some people will be so embarrassed and probably more UNCOMFORTABLE to talk about it, and afraid they'll push him away, much like you're afraid will happen. And yes it probably will, but then they will come out of the fog and into the light and the affair won't look as wonderful.
T2L how am doing so far - I have not gotten the book yet, went yesterday to Borders and they said they had it but couldn't find it, I'm going to B&N today. I got instead "The Power of a Praying Wife". More on that later.
So not telling is the easy out right now for you and ESPECIALLY for your H, rip the band aide off, let the sore air out and YOU will heal faster. Yes he will get angry and it will feel like he's gone for good then, but you will either then be able to move on with your life or you'll be waiting and waiting and waiting for his fantasy world to fade or crash and for him to come out of a fog.
You know how long it takes for a fog in the early morning to break, but once the sun shines on it, it dissipates quickly.

I know it's hard I shouldn't even speak since well I have not told anyone either. But that info T2L posted and at this point that I have given this problem to God to deal with, he will handle the fallout of me telling everyone who needs to know.
Now if I'm wrong with any of the above please tell me, we all have to do what we are able to handle right now, but we never know what we can handle till we handle it. Did you think you could handle this season so far?

Now my question after your post T2L what does everyone else think, my situation, is it considered an affair? He had a EA/PA and he told me, then that relationship ended - because he told me she didn't want him - The "AFFAIR" is over. Is it an "Affair" to be dating, he is looking for other woman using a personal ad.
He says he can't go back to me, he can't get over that he had to go elsewhere to get what he wanted. So do I expose him looking for someone online in personal ads to people who need to know?
Not quite sure how I address this with people that needs to know. In an affair you'd sit them down like Harley says and say H is having an affair, ... and all the other stuff that needs to be said. But what do you say in this situation? I think I know, I think you sit them down and you say, H is having an affair with multiple people. But how do they not think your crazy, just like he does because of like the Thread that says Why Stay, people who have not been there don't know how it is and so they will tell you for your own good and the WAS let them go.
Again TXMOM I so agree with you in being careful of who you expose to, because we had a huge discussion last night. I in a desperate attempt when I first found out said that I told my parents a while ago that because H is bipolar and this causes hypersexuality and I can't fulfill those needs I would accept him having a sexual affair but not an emotional one.
HUGE ERROR - one telling husband I'd accept that, and 2) telling H I told my p's that.
He's like how could I ever step foot in your parents house, how could I ever look at them.
Well the thought has crossed my mind not telling people because he may avoid coming back because he would have to face all these people he let down. But what he doesn't understand RIGHT NOW is how people can forgive what he has done. How can I take him back, how could my parents, how could my sister?
He says I have not acted like the typical girl in this situation that they would say get out. Why??? Because we love, because they love him. And love forgives those who repent and make good, and that Love and God knows that we may stumble and fall along the way but if we repent and get back up and continue on GOD takes up the cross. Holy Moly this is great stuff! I feel God just spewing out of me, and he gives me hope, faith, love, and strength to get through this season no matter what happens. Now if only we could get our h's to feel this as easy as I am right now and I'm sure some of you have felt every once in a while.

Prayer is best, I don't want to sound like a freak preaching prayer, but it has helped in more ways than you can ever imagine.