I really appreciate all the time you took to look into my sitch. I felt like I was insane, but you put into words so many things that I think and feel, and now I see maybe I am not.
Well I didnt see your post until today, but my plan was exactly as you stated to do. I was going to not be available to get together last night because I was gonna go to the mall. It didnt work out that way though.
Instead, I took a short cat nap when I got home from work, and about a half hour later I was getting woken up by my H asking to take me out to a nice dinner at a very expensive restaurant in town. He was so thrilled and happy to see me when he woke me up. I couldnt resist. So of course, I said sure.
We had a very fun and nice night together and got along great the whole time. The whole evening, I had planned on not asking him about his previous night at all. And I never even had too. He asked me about my night and after I responded he automatically went into telling me about his evening.
That previous night - He was at the bar I thought he was at. And I know I saw him chatting with a female at the bar. But he never mentioned any women. He only told me about three guys he hung out with. And how he just went to the bar for dinner, but then him and those guys started to play a dice game and the next thing you know he said he was too wasted to drive.
Yes, My H has a drinking problem. He does realize it, and sometimes feels guilty about it. But he will not stop. Not right now. The bars are what he is basing his life around right now.
So the next time this happens, I will follow through with the plan of not being available the next day. Also, I will stop telling him that it is ok and that I understand.
I know that he was somewhat expecting me to get mad, but I have changed my reactions to him and his drinking so much that now he knows when he does wrong and then he starts to feel guilty. I never even say anything. I just hope it is not making him feel like he can do this any time since it doesnt cause me to get mad and insecure to his face anymore.
I think my biggest thing I feel I am lacking right now in my M is security. We have a great love for each other, a lot of sex, and a lot of fun. I just really would like him to be more commited to me than the bars.
Thank you again so much for your help JOJO! I think I am on the right track. TIPPER
