Trying2live-Post #4

[Trying2live]

Hey homies!!! LOL Here is some more stuff I found. I think everyone can use some of it(SAA book)enjoy.....

Its necessary to expose the existence of the adultery to everyone who can put pressure on the adultery and influence the partners in adultery to end their relationship. You need to begin work now to develop that list. The list may include some or all of the following. It may also include people not on this sample list.

A. If the person your spouse is involved with is married, His or her spouse must be told of the adultery even if your spouse actually terminates the affair and enthusiastically begins to labor long and hard on your marriage the instant you find out about the adultery. The other persons spouse (OPS) has the right to address the problems in their own marriage.

B. Your spouses parents and sometimes your spouses siblings. Parents can place tremendous pressure on their adulterous offspring. On occasion, they take their childrens part and choose to ignore the adultery, but they often become strong allies in breaking it up.

C. Your children. Guess what? Kids as young as four see and hear…and understand…far more than you think they do. D r. Harley has stressed the importance of making sure children know mom or dad is behaving inappropriately but that mom and dad still love the child. The child must know he or she is NOT the cause of all the tension in the household.

D. Your family. You need allies who can put pressure on the adultery and your family members can do that. They may be able to add nothing more than disapproving glances, but that pressure mounts up.

E. Friends of the family. Same reason as above.

F. Your spouses co-workers if the adultery is an office affair. (I hate the word affair. It makes a slimy, squalid thing seem less offensive.) Co-workers can apply lots of pressure. They may have suspected before you exposed to them. Now they know for certain.

G. Again, if the adultery began in the office, expose to the spouses boss or Human Resources Director. The company may have a policy on inappropriate relationships. If one partner or the other is a supervisor, the company can directly influence the adultery and make it impossible for it to continue.

H. Your pastor or priest. These individuals have tremendous influence in your wayward spouses life. Make them your allies.

I. Officers and members of professional associations and social organizations your spouse is in. Few of these tolerate moral turpitude in their membership. Use that to your advantage.

J. Anyone else who can reasonably be expected to be able to put pressure on the adulterous relationship.

Exposure is THE strongest weapon you have at your disposal to smash the adultery. Adultery is part disrespect, part deceit, and part fantasy. It exists in the darkness under rocks. Turn the rock over, shine a brilliant spotlight on the seamy underside, and the roaches begin to scurry away. The lies that are a part of every adultery are revealed for what they are and the fantasy world that includes just the two adultery partners begins to shatter. USE exposure.

When you have your list ready, go to each person and sit down with him or her if you can. Its good for them to see you troubled, but very calm and steady. It’s very important to be under control. Many wayward spouses will immediately try to gaslight their betrayed spouses and will swear to everyone around the betrayed one is demented to even think the wayward spouse would actually sneak around behind your back. Take a deep breath and launch into a description of what has intruded into your marriage. Dont wait for the perfect time and place, or the magic words to use. Theyll never come. Dont tell your spouse youre going to do expose the obscene adultery to your prospective allies. Just do it.

Oh, by the way, your wayward spouse will be absolutely furious. He or she will shriek imprecations at you, swear he/she was going to work on the marriage but now...oh, boy...now they wouldnt have anything to do with you if you were the last person on the face of the planet, etc. It's all bluster, noise, and drama. They are pissed off because youve wrecked the perfect little fantasy world theyve been indulging themselves with. Let them rant and rave. It means nothing because you know where its coming from. Spouses sometimes do leave at this point for a while. If they do, you do NOT support their separate lifestyle in any way. If they leave, the almost invariably come back very quickly because their fantasy isnt supportable without your help.

Look, the purpose of exposure is to bust up the adultery. You are not doing this out of spite; you are not vengeful. Your spouse will see it as such, but it is not. Do not decline to expose because of the embarrassment you may feel about the adultery, and certainly don’t refuse to expose because it might embarrass your spouse.

Important Note: Do NOT shield your spouse from the consequences of his or her adultery. If you do, you give your spouse time and space to reignite the adultery and continue it better hidden than before. If you skip exposure, based on a misplaced respect or something that sounds equally noble, you will be condoning the disrespect your spouse has shown the marriage, your children, and you. Remember, adulteries thrive in the darkness. They are fed by lies and deceit. By shining the blinding light of exposure on the adultery, you force everything into sharp focus. The relationship begins to whither.