It's BS. What they say is so hurtful because it comes from a place of hurt. They are lashing out. He feels hurtful and low inside and so he spreads it around, he dumps it on you by saying those things. Those things are not real.
No.
Don't you believe it. It feels better for them to say it, but it's not really true. Trust me. Gosh if I were there I would hug you until you believed it. It's not true, what they say.
When people say hateful or hurtful things, it is a sign of ugliness or pain in them coming out. Think about that. It is always true.
what if... what if... what if... it's all nonsense. You will tie yourself in knots. If a frog had wings he wouldn't bump his a$$ a-hoppin.
--- you're wondering: how can SPM be so sure? I'll tell you why I think it's a sure bet: some of the craziest things came out of her mouth when she was upset. I have no other explanation for it. She "knew" I was unfaithful to her. Now, here's the thing. She can say ILYBIANILWY. She can say "I never loved you". (mine didn't, but some do) She can say all sorts of stuff. I cannot disprove any of the stuff about the inside of her head, her feelings. But the thing is, she also said a whole bunch of things I know something about. Like, she accused me of being unfaithful. No evidence. No justification for it. And it just gosh darn isn't true. But she still believed I was. I denied it (stupid of me to defend myself)... and she just dismissed my denial. Waved it away. "I don't believe you."
ok, now look. all the other crap she said, maybe I could believe it. ILYIANILWY, everything about her feelings, etc etc. But "you were unfaithful". Look, trust me, if I were unfaithful, I am pretty sure I would know about it. For this one, I know I am right. I was not unfaithful.
And it got me thinking - all the rest of what she said was the same. It was just a reflection of her mindset at the time she uttered the words. True enough to her at the time, but not objectively true, if you know what I mean. Her perception was that I was a bad guy, unfaithful, abusive, etc. (why else would she stray?) and that was all quite true to her, in her own mind. Anything is justifiable, in that mindset. Even taking away the kids from me for 12 years.
But 9 months later, I will have the kids near 50% of the time. She is agreeing to all of this.
Conclusion: what goes on in their heads - it's not real. It's out of touch with reality.
Trust me on this.
ps: I don't get your name. If you are cagzmom, who is cagz?
