STEPPING out...

[cagzmom]

so i have been doing things that cause me to spin.

since this is a place of honesty-- and openness this is where i will share.

in my searching for answers i find more information that just causes me confusion. what is the truth? do we ever get to find out? is there ever a time where we just get to get our own AH HA moment?!!

i think on what he has said..
I dont love you - i am not in love with you
I dont think i ever really did love you

those words really mess with the head you know??!! Even now what almost 2 years later!! GOOD GRIEF!! i feel like it was yesterday-- sitting there across from me...............he looked like a lost puppy not knowing what to do...but knowing that he didn't want to be where he was. And me? A desperate woman just wanting for him to tell some truth.... and he did .... and i wish now i would have just shut up!

what if i would have never asked what is wrong?
what if i would have been the type of wife that let him lead?
what if i could have let him know how great he was to me?

all the d*** whats ifS!! they mean NOTHING but yet to me the LBS they mean everything.

CLOSURE!! HOW IN THE H do i get it?? Good grief. He can gloat and say he didn't cheat..whatever xh wahtever! He has no freakin' guilt and i think if he never heard from me again that would be ok with him.............

WHY CANT I GET TO THAT FREAKIN' PLACE!!!!!

i am frustrated angry at ME!!!