I am not a believer in copying learned behaviour as adults. As adults we know what is right and wrong. What we may not have insight into is consequences. In your Ws childhood she may not of been exposed to the consequenses and detruction of A.
I am not enabling her at all financially. It took about 3 months for her to start taking care of her own car insurance, but finally she got it taken care of. She is actually paying for my health/dental insurance through her work.
She has taken more than her fair share since we split and didn't follow our agreement like she should have. But overall I am no longer paying for anything of hers.
She could probably get a temporary order for child support, but she hasn't pushed for that yet - i'm assuming she feels guilty or her rich bf is taking care of her.
I am not a believer in copying learned behaviour as adults. As adults we know what is right and wrong. What we may not have insight into is consequences. In your Ws childhood she may not of been exposed to the consequenses and detruction of A.
I think you are right about this. She thinks everyone can get along in one big happy family like her mom pretends. It makes me sick how she treats FIL and his family like they are still just peachy.
MIL still doesn't see consequences of her actions... no one ever gets confrontational in W's family. They all just look the other way and pretend everything is fine.
Codependents or not , i guess there life is pretty stress free. Always is when your heads buried in the sand. Consequences of buried heads though - you don't know what your missing !
This is the first time I will go in knowing the full extent of what has been going on.
Last week's exchange I was very short and got out of there quickly.
W asked me how trick-or-treating went and complimented me on the new jacket I was wearing. I told her it was the best halloween I've had in a long time and said "mmm hmm. to the compliment... and then focused my entire attention on saying goodbye to my S.
If she tries to communicate at all with me, I think she will try to explain what happened when she was caught w/ OM.
Last night she and OM were at a wedding reception for one of W's co-workers. Many people that know us would have been there. I was invited, but did not go.
I understand that if you do not have time on your own , then you do not grieve for what you had, and EVERYONE has something to grieve at the end of a relationship.
What happens then is they take that non closure into the next relationship and they can be sure it will not last. They may grieve then and if they dont, then on it goes.
BUT one day they HAVE to face it. You have to grieve. They are just trailing a whole load of crap with them.
Am I doing things the way they should be done? I have cut off all contact w/ W since last Tuesday, Nov. 4th after she tried to call and explain why she was at OM's place.
We still see each other Sunday night to exchange S. The exchange has lasted about 30 seconds. No speaking, except to S. Before OM was truly exposed she tried to ask about Halloween and complimented me, but I blew her off.
Right now, she just wants this D over with, wants to move on, etc. She is putting off conciliation which is required before the divorce can happen. I also think she has not gone to the a class required by the state for those divorcing with children.
I feel like I am doing the right thing by actually doing a good job of going dark and detaching, but in another way I feel like we are so far apart how can we ever get things back on track if that situation happens?
Just my $0.02, but I think it's finally time for you to throw your hands up in the air and admit to yourself that you can't control any of this...not her...not the OM...not the D proceedings. I think you've spent more than your fair share of time obsessing over what she's done, doing, and will do than concentrating on yourself. You have to have faith that this affair will fizzle and break down eventually, but be pragmatic and not expect it to happen today or tomorrow. Set your target date 6 months from now if you need to. In the meantime, meet new people, make new friends, join a few meetup groups, etc., and get you and your head out of the sitch as much and as often as possible. I really sense you're running on fumes now, and you're starting to hurt yourself.
C'mon, bro. You can do this...I know you can!
- Me = 32 y/o - WAW = 32 y/o - M = 2.5 yrs, T = 12.5 yrs - No kids - Bomb, WAW moved out, D filed = 8/15/08
