D74, I couldn't agree more with your entire post. Lots of wisdom there.

1)We did indeed talk about the night where she subtly showed being "in the mood" and I missed it. I won't go into a word for word account, but her essential point was this: she doesn't crave sex as much as I do and being openly forward about wanting to make love makes her "feel like a whore" (her exact choice of words there). I explained to her (in a calm and patient tone, channeling my inner Jedi) that God approves of marital sex; he even encourages it in The Song of Songs. I told her that she can look on marital sex as a reward; in other words, she controlled herself for so long (into her 20s), now she can proudly and wildly abandon herself to her sexual urges that I believe she's suppressed for so long. No one will disapprove.

2) As I've indicated elsewhere in these forums, my wife's father is a thoroughgoing and unrepentant alcoholic. I believe that a distrust of men from an early age caused by her father's drinking combined with her embarassment over her sister's behavior have combined to poison her attitudes toward sex, even the monogamous variety.

3) We had sex twice yesterday (and flirted a little before she went to her night job a couple of hours ago). What surprised me most about yesterday was threefold: 1) The 1st time yesterday was at 5am (we both have Wed off from our jobs); she hates doing ANYTHING (not just sex) right after waking. 2)I took advice I've received elsewhere and tried some oral techniques in that early morning session; she orgasmed TWICE before intercourse. I remember she looked at me afterwards with an expression that was a mixture of a smile and surprise. 3) When we made love later that afternoon, she orgasmed THREE TIMES before I did, and that time was all intercourse, no oral.

4)When I asked her WTF got into her yesterday, she said " I'm trying to enjoy myself. You were right, my sister's problems are hers to deal with. I won't toss away most of my fun just because she had hers in a way that screwed up a big part of her life." That is an exact quote. Pretty big progress, huh?

I know that she might slide back and forth in her progress, but I guess my duty as her husband is to make her feel safe and cherished for her whole self, not just what she can give me in bed. And, of course, doing that will (fingers crossed) make her feel even more attracted to me. Win-win!

Thanks, everyone. If things keep going like this, I may become a lurker more than a poster around here. Please, keep the advice coming.