So, until FG finds the post I asked him to come and take a look at my sitch, I will give you my update.
axH picked up the kids and brought them home and stayed until the babysitter came.
Being busy at work I didnt have time to really "think" today so when I got in the car I flashed back to the previous months of my life and what has changed.
What I miss, what I have, what I lost. I sent him a text telling him that "I feel not much can change under the current conditions" meaning his work. I added "what are you thinking?". 30 minutes later he replied "I think we are much better with each other and far more relaxed".
I think he maybe DBing me. Of course he is wrong but couldnt get myself to tell him. I am more relaxed because I am not mean at him anymore,since I have been so that he wouldnt think of telling me he wanted back... Now its done, I dont need to be a b!tch anymore. Obviously this is coming across as if we are getting on safer ground. I dont know how to tell him that I still dont feel more than just separated and unless he does something soon, anything, he wont have the chance...
I may sound cruel and ungrateful but I am not. After 6-8 months of tension, followed by 12 of separation, with 1,5 month trial separation before that, after trying to detach, find myself, regain control, after facing my dads illness, my kid's sadness, after being and feeling alone, after feeling happy and alive again, after fighting myself 2-3 intense weeks to let that go because of this second try, after making the decision, I NEED some "action". It may sound selfish but before I fall asleep at night this past week, I am asking myself WTF is going on? What is the reason for this? How can he go to bed just like that every day? Without really "working" on us? How can he be happy with it?
Yeah, I know. Patience. He is trying. I see that. Trying is not enough. Doing would be.This is a crazy time in my life. I think I maybe going crazy... K
Sounds like you are not just waiting for him to do "something", but expecting him to do something in particular. I am not defending him, or criticizing you. But you have just started to work together again and you both need to figure out what that means and how to do it.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
I that that when the LBS turns, the roles do almost reverse. The DBer becomes the WA, the LBS becomes the DBer. I think it is happening with Kalni, and with BobbiJo, too. You have both gotten to the point where you need to be convinced that you want them back, after months of knowing that you wanted them back, and trying to show them. I think that now if the time where they have to "do work". But, they haven't learned what you have, so it takes them some time to figure out how. And maybe they can do it, and maybe they can't. It seems to me that at first, the trick is to make it easy for them to "do work". Lead them from behind. They have to think it is their idea, but you can still guide them. Maybe you have to make a bigger deal out of small steps, to help them gain the confidence to take larger ones. That's how "trying" can transform into "doing".
I had to get up after Lisa posting the front, top etc stuff...
Jeff, gForce, I am not able to lead him back into my heart again. Remember what I said before? About my heart? I cant really say much more, but if my axH needs me in his life he better find his way to me... K
I had to get up after Lisa posting the front, top etc stuff...
Jeff, gForce, I am not able to lead him back into my heart again. Remember what I said before? About my heart? I cant really say much more, but if my axH needs me in his life he better find his way to me... K
Can you throw out a few breadcrumbs for him to follow? I hope that once he is on the way, he can do it without help. He is afraid, just like you are. (((((Kalni)))))
