Well this is the hard part, when something like this happens and it hits rally close to home yeah he may come out of the fog but then he can go back into the fog just as quick.
No I know that our spouses do have consciences its just the fog pushes it back and the selfishness comes to the forefront. I do believe he may be sorry for whatever it is he says as hard as that is to hear. Now that doesn't mean they are repentant but I do believe their conscience does speak to them and at times they hear it and feel remorseful, not repentant but remorseful. They know they shouldn't do all this crap they do, but the selfishness is at the forefront but believe me they know it.
Now have you read SAA? In SAA Dr. Harley explains Love Busters. These are things that rob and deplete the love bank.
I would not recommend saying things that may be love busting behavior. A few of these are disrespectful judgement, which could sound like, "you don't mean it or how could you feel that way by what you doing" etc etc. Go here to see a full description, I was guilty of this but would have NEVER thought so until I read the book. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3402_disrespect.html
I know your probably wondering why you have to be the one to do it, but unfortunately our spouses are not there yet so its us or nothing.
The bible says a soft answer turns away wrath. Can you give a soft answer.
If will be the goodness of God and not arguing that will break things at times. Now I by no means think anyone should be a doormat, but its not always force that changes things though at times it does.
I think waiting till he gets home is good. I think if you can maneuver through this conversation and NOT mentioning or asking the status of your R or tying yourself into her then go ahead and listen. If you feel you can't handle it change the subjects nonchalantly.
Do your best, I know you can do this cuz If I can look at a hickie on my H while have sex with him you can do this, ok.
I know it hurts but we gotta reduce the negative emotions and start at the friendship level. When talking about it, act as if you are a friend so the A that you are going through won't have any bearing make sense? Maybe just listen, seem interested, and try and find 1 thing positive to say if you can. I don't know if you can, you may not but you'll know if you can. Something lame as wow, that's really weird that, that happened to you, or wow she must have felt you were very trustworthy to have gone to you or I'm glad she was able to find a safe place to talk maybe you can find her a female she can relate to better. Get the idea?
If you haven't gotten SAA I would recommend getting it now taking the test in the back as if it was your H taking it so you can identify his needs its super important. If his #1 need is conversation and you think its domestic support your going to be missing the mark badly plus we all need to find out where our possible love busters are.
I'm not sure If I helped at all, but answer the door smelling great looking good, cheerful and confident.
Me-38 H-38 Married 18years Daughter-17 & Son-9 Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in with OW 08/01/08
The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family. -- Lee Iacocca
