I'll jump right in with some advice, though, and it is something that I have seen actually turn another marriage around (NikB):
Set up a space in the home for just you. Nothing extravagant, but you will be needing a new bed/some furniture when you get your house, anyway. Might as well have a few pieces now to get you more comfortable. (My X did that with "family" money before the D, wiping out most of our savings, and I couldn't even get half back of that during the divorce--all assets were split after that).
Then, tell your stbx that you want a schedule with the kids; half-time, if that is what you'd like to see after the D. When you don't have responsibility for the kids, go out and have a life! Meet friends, take up a hobby, come home happy. Come home to your space and shut the door after a friendly Goodnight.
Set up boundaries about your interactions. Say, she starts in on you about financials, D proceedings, or the kids. You can say that you are open to discussing them at a mutually convenient time; how about (day) and (time)? There really isn't anything else that you have to talk about, and you can say just that - "I'd rather not discuss that with you right now."
Not sure if you know all this, but talking a walk through NikB's old threads might be a good idea...
