So, until FG finds the post I asked him to come and take a look at my sitch, I will give you my update.
axH picked up the kids and brought them home and stayed until the babysitter came.
Being busy at work I didnt have time to really "think" today so when I got in the car I flashed back to the previous months of my life and what has changed.
What I miss, what I have, what I lost. I sent him a text telling him that "I feel not much can change under the current conditions" meaning his work. I added "what are you thinking?". 30 minutes later he replied "I think we are much better with each other and far more relaxed".
I think he maybe DBing me. Of course he is wrong but couldnt get myself to tell him. I am more relaxed because I am not mean at him anymore,since I have been so that he wouldnt think of telling me he wanted back... Now its done, I dont need to be a b!tch anymore. Obviously this is coming across as if we are getting on safer ground. I dont know how to tell him that I still dont feel more than just separated and unless he does something soon, anything, he wont have the chance...
I may sound cruel and ungrateful but I am not. After 6-8 months of tension, followed by 12 of separation, with 1,5 month trial separation before that, after trying to detach, find myself, regain control, after facing my dads illness, my kid's sadness, after being and feeling alone, after feeling happy and alive again, after fighting myself 2-3 intense weeks to let that go because of this second try, after making the decision, I NEED some "action". It may sound selfish but before I fall asleep at night this past week, I am asking myself WTF is going on? What is the reason for this? How can he go to bed just like that every day? Without really "working" on us? How can he be happy with it?
Yeah, I know. Patience. He is trying. I see that. Trying is not enough. Doing would be.This is a crazy time in my life. I think I maybe going crazy... K
