I just got out of my IC appt and am kinda feeling discouraged. We talked a lot about my "boundaries" and expectations for the marriage and it didn't go very well. She thinks it is unreasonable for me to set boundaries on the marriage and sees it as treating my husband like he is a little boy instead of a grown man who can make his own choices. I said I did not want to let him run around and do whatever he wants and become a doormat. She basically said that if he is not ready to give those things up (staying out late, being one on one with other females, etc) and I am uncomfortable with them then I married the wrong person.
WTF! After all this hard work and things going so well. I'm really aggitated. Not at my hubby but at my shrink. Why would she say that? Doesn't she understand how far I have come? I'm not going to give this up. Ugh.
My homework is to have a conversation about his commitment to the marriage and about what makes it different than a boyfriend/girlfriend or friends situation. And whether or not he still has doubts about it and would rather live the single life. Of course he still has doubts! I still have doubts! But that is marriage for you.
I understand that I need to try 110% to not be his parent and to be his wife and I am trying so hard and for her to say all this just makes me feel like I have nothing to show for my work and I'm feeling discouraged. Then she brought up that my hubby has not followed through on his promise to go to IC and that shows he is not commited.
I asked him about it when I got done and he said he would after he got a job. I asked why he couldn't start now when he has time to schedule it and he said maybe. I am frustrated that he isn't going yet when my 6 sessions are almost over. But I don't think it says he is not commited, he is just not doing it in my timeline. Does that mean anything? Is there something wrong with that?
Sigh.
Sorry for the rant. I just feel down and kinda angry all at the same time.
On a happier note hubby came over yesterday and we had a great day togehter, I can't remember the last time we had a more perfect day. Same old stuff. The new thing is we are learning to communicate a lot better, especially about finances because we are trying to sort out how to spend/use/save his enlistment money that will be coming in soon. It's nice to be included in these conversations as his wife. Lots of fun and laughing and joking and some more good R talks and future talk. It all feels like it is coming together and I'm sure that once he gets his job things will snowball and happen really fast. I just don't like being in limbo right now.
As for the IC session I am frustrated but I do understand what she is saying it just makes me upset to see how many changes I have to make and how much I will probably have to compromise to make this thing work and I do sometimes (even still!) wonder if I would not be better off with someone more like me and who holds the same values I do. I love my hubby more than life but I do not, cannot, cycle through this process again and again. It is vital that we get these issues nailed down before we move in again. I just have to figure out a way to do it without coming across like a mother or teacher but as a wife. Why is that so hard to do?
I don't know. I have a lot to think about I guess.
