Hey T... amazing, all of it, I am so pleased for you!!! Wow, an hour on the phone?? Thats great, but also that he invited you to call again.
I dont know if the girl he said "you dont know her" woudl be his gf as tha would be a wierd way to describe someone you are going out with to your ex, but maybe thats just me.
And the other thing is, even if he is hanging with this girl, she could be a crocadillapig, and not his type. Wait and see!
Well done on the recital preparations and yes, good luck! Al xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I passed my recital jury!! (where I play for faculty and they "decide if I'm ready to play my recital).
It was actually really weird vibes... my teacher said it was the most unpleasant jury she had ever experienced, for reasons that had nothing to do with my playing. the other two faculty on the panel couldn't be there for the whole duration of the music I was playing (WTF?), the pianist needed to come late, the location changed, one of the faculty members talked while I was playing which was very confusing. Afterwards I talked to my teacher for a long time and cried a lot. But I actually felt like I had an emotionally intimate conversation with my teacher (breaking new ground). In the past I would have run away and cried by myself instead of crying in front of her and "letting her in".
I decided to take the rest of the day off ... I am going to eat some chowder and watch BLEAK HOUSE.
now that I finished my jury, I can finally reply to everything you guys have posted!!
Ali, thank you so much for your encouragement and support! crocadillapig indeed !!
Julia, thank you for your reassurances, about "we" and him maybe portraying himself as ultra-busy. I feel special that you remember the subway navigation incident, that you remember details of my situation like that! I would love to sing and giggle by your side!! I decided to do the de falla "suite populaire espangole", bach 3rd cello suite, and the first & second movements of the franck sonata. still a little overwhelming...but less so. Maybe we could do an encore, of a cello recorder duet?
OD, thank you for all your thoughts. esp about "we" usage on the part of the WAS! I also hope that he was thinking naughty thoughts at 1..30 in the morning!! I didn't even come to think that contact dropped off because I wasn't initiating contact, or that my action was a 180 in that way. It is so good to get your perspective. yes, muffins, all in one go!!! or, we could take them with us to our trans-atlantic choir practice!
the thought occured to me while I was brushing my teeth this morning... is it possible that he thinks, since I just let him go, that I don't want him? there's no way for me to know, i guess, and I'm not sure what I to do about it even if I did, except to maybe hmm.... try to project my pheromones more clearly through the cellphone and email waves???
PS. My thumb is actually bleeding from playing the cello. I AM SO TOUGH.
PPS. My teacher told me she wants to lend me her (really nice) cello to play my recital on. Yet another nugget of the cello search saga to discuss with B....
I think the thoughts about whether he thinks you don't want him are interesting. I have those too- did CEO stop flirting because he thought I wasn't interested? Or did I transmit a lack of interest to H so he backed off?! You're right, it's impossible to know, but I think you could test it by trying slightly different behaviours and seeing what happens- maybe initiate a bit more contact or do something that shows interest definitively? You can always back off if things aren't reciprocated. Just a thought, anyway!
I love that you're SO TOUGH!! But not that your thumb is bleeding. Have you got it bandaged up? I hope it doesn't hurt and am sending super-thumb-healing vibes across the waves to you right now!
I love the sound of the green gown- I bet you look incredible in it!!
(((lisa))) thanks so much for your loving words! my thumb is indeed bandanged now. I'm feeling much better, I went to yoga class last night (silently weeping through most of it, but it was a good kind of silent weeping) and then instead of biking home as I have every single other time I've been, I asked my yoga & cello friend to go out for a tea with me, and we sat and hashed over my jury, and I felt so much better!!
Can you suggest some slightly different behaviors I should try to experiment & observe? I feel like I am really good at what I have been doing, but maybe in a rut or afraid to put myself out there and get hurt. even in a little experimental way. dkfjdlkjsf!!!
maybe I need to go back to practicing my flirtatiousness...
I love that Bach piece, I had a little listen to the others on itunes and the de falla sounds amazing. If your recital is recorded I would so love to hear you play. We should totally do some recorder/ cello duets, lots of Basso Continuo opportunities but that could be boring for you
You know I had the same thoughts about your situation with regards to B knowing what you want. So far you and B are in the friendship stage, he seems very comfortable with you so maybe I would start building on your friendship. Not thinking of B as your boyfriend, how would you go about developing a friendship? Maybe that may give you a starting point. I think adding a little flirting into emails may be a good start.
Sorry I am not being much help. Others may have more ideas. I can totally understand you not wanting to put yourdelf out there, but sometimes risk pays off and I know that you really want this.
yesterday was kind of a big day... I got up early to do a master class with a really amazing, famous cellist (intense!!). then I tutored a student, went to get a massage, got waxed, and then back to school to practice some more. and today is my orchestra concert.
I still haven't called B back yet, maybe tonight after the orchestra concert. trying to find a moment when I am actually not busy AND emotionally presentable AND it is not a friday or saturday night or 10.30 pm!!
Julia, that is so sweet that you found the pieces and listened to them!! I can definitely send you a recording after the recital thank you for your ideas about my situation and developing friendship. I guess I am still uncomfortable with being able to tell the difference between "pursuing" or "pushing" and "putting myself out there"
