So after staying out all night last night, the W comes home this morning while I was getting the kids ready to go and busts this out on me.
She saw a new L yesterday and evidently a settlement proposal is forthcoming via certified mail. She asked me if I had retained a L; I said no but I have one that I will retain if necessary. Her reply was that she had retained one. I asked her how she afforded the retainer fee; her answer was that she had only done the initial consultation. What she wants is for the both of us to use her L because he's cheap so long as we agree on a settlement. He can file it and then we pay a mediation fee to have it processed.
She told me that he went over all of what she was entitled to from me in the area of maintenance and child support. However, she told him that she did not want to change the lifestyles of the kids, so she wasn't out to get me financially. She did not want me to have to pay child support so she is proposing 50/50, with the kids splitting the week between us. I asked her, where are you going to live? She said I do not know; that is up to you. So IOW, depending upon how much maintenance I give her will make the determination on where she will live. She said that living with dysfunctional BFF was out of the question as she is too undependable. I think she is projecting here and calling the kettle black at the same time.
I let her know that there would additional expenses for her that she is not paying now; like a car payment, car insurance, TV, etc. I let her know that the car would have to be in her name or she would have to get a different vehicle. She wasn't going to be D'd , driving in a car titled/registered in my name.
So I asked her if she had given any thought to MC; at least one last try before she calls it done. She said that her heart wasn't in it, that coming back to the M meant sex, romantic love, and all that. She asked, is it not better that the kids are from a broken home instead of a home that is broken? I told her that it would not be a rush job back into the M; but I asked her to think back to the day that her father left and the damage that is been done by that. She played that off by blaming her mother's OM. I said OK, I reminded her that we made vows before God; for better or for worse; for richer or for poorer, does that mean anything to you? She replied that she wanted to teach our D that she does not need to depend on a man to get by in life. I validated by saying, I agree, that is a great message; but I want our D to know that you does not bail out of a M when just get unhappy; that there are responsibilities to live up to. She had no reply.
Then she reminded me that KY is a no fault state; so I could claim that she was a slut all day long and it did not matter in a D. I agreed with her; it does not matter in a D. But my journal does not contain info pertaining to being a slut; it's all about shirking responsibility. She is not thinking about what she is getting into.
So she wants to do this amicably; but her custody proposal is not in line with the kid's security needs. Once, or if, I receive it; I post for some consideration. But I want nothing less that than the kids in our marital home on school nights.
She is also proposing that we D first so that I can qualify for a Chp 7 instead of 13. She does not want the 13 because she would have to be in on it and help pay for it. I think that she wants me to assume all liabilities so that she can skate out scott-free. I will have to further consult my BK L on this one. She is wanting out as quickly as possible. She must have a new OM that she does not want to know that she is still M and wants to look like a great mother as well. Just my opinion. She does not do alone; so I do not expect that she is alone. She went to great lengths to let me know that she does not want to parade her dates in front of the kids. Let us hope that she holds up to that.
So I do not expect this settlement offer anytime soon; because a L does not work for free. Unless she borrows from her family who have indicated that they are dead set against her actions; she cannot do it without my help. Of course I am aware that family is family; so you never know.
Maybe I am moving to Surviving here real soon...not sure yet. I will take a look at the sitch when this thread locks.
