Hello all...it has been a real long time since I have been on here for myself. I did post to a couple of people in the last few months but they were short.

I had to leave to find myself. It really worked also.

Ok, for those who don't know me, I am 41 yrs. old, my STBXH is 38 yrs. old. We have 2 beautiful daughters (15 & 17). If we stayed married, it will be 20 years in June. We have been separated for almost 4 years. Now it is finally divorce time. I gave it my all.

I really did try over the last 4 years. It just wasn't meant to be. I have finally decided it is time to finalize this and get it over with. I think I shocked my STBXH because I agreed to it. Normally I cry and protest. Not anymore. I am at a place in my life where I am ready to let go.

A friend of mine told me I would know when it was time to let go and not to listen to anyone else or rush it. I'm glad I took her advice. I am prepared for this now. I am not the scared, upset little girl that came here about 4 years ago. I have turned into a strong woman over this time. I feel good. I am even getting off my anti-depressants (with the doctors approval and help of course).

I want to tell everyone to hang in there as long as you can. You never know what may happen. Don't give up until you are ready. All situations are different and what works for one may not work for the other.

My STBXH and I are on friendly terms. We still talk on the phone and help each other out when we can. This is something I want. We share 2 children and I want their life to be good ones. Not full of fighting or their parents not being able to be in the same room with each other.

Believe it or not, I AM THE ONE WHO FILED FOR DIVORCE. He and I discussed it and we agreed on all the terms so, I wrote up the papers and have taken them to a lawyer to go over and make sure everything is done correctly. Hopefully everything will be done and I can start the new year out fresh.

Now, onto my good news. I met someone that I have really enjoyed their company. (Before you ask, this is not the reason I decided to go ahead with the divorce, that was started long before I met this guy). It is more like a childhood friend came back into my life. I have known this guy for my whole life. He was my neighbor growing up. Great guy. Very nice and polite. Treats me like a princess. Very understanding about everything and willing to wait until I have everything done before proceeding further with our relationship.

He has made me feel whole again. Whether things work out with me and him or not, I now know I am worthy and can still have a future that doesn't involve me sitting home alone collecting cats. LOL!!!! I just take it one day at a time.

It took me all these years and many friends to get to this peaceful place and I appreciate each and every one of them. If I haven't talked to some of you from the boards recently, I have still thought of you often. If it weren't for the people I met on here, I would not be where I am now.

Thank you all for everything you have done for me. I just wanted to update everyone and let them know I am ok and living life again. I haven't fallen off the face of the earth as some of you may have thought.

I wake up each morning with a smile on my face and am ready to begin the day unlike before when I had to drag myself out of bed and prayed for 5:00 to get there.

Again, thank you to everyone who helped me. Just remember, there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, you just have to find the right rainbow!!!!