I think you may be right on the money with both of your ideas.
This, I think, is what is happening right now: "If you have been in a long term SSM, then his 'sexual self-confidence' may be flagging, and when he looks at you sexually, he may even feel old bitterness and resentment, rather than desire right now."
My concern is that I just don't know if I can go back to that place. I've been trying to remember "how I was back then" and all I can come up with that is different is we have kids and other responsibilities, now. Back then, when we were dating, it was just us having fun and doing whatever we want. I would love nothing more than to feel "free" like that again but the fact of the matter is we have 2 kids, a home, jobs, etc. and someone has to be the responsible one in the R. He, at least right now, is not.
I also feel kind of resentful toward him, so its really hard to be his "friend" right now. I have been trying to not nag, be positive, ask him about his day, saying thank you when he does things for me, but its like trying to be friends with your enemy and I am a terrible liar.
You also talk about "THE CHASE". I don't even know what that looks like. I've already lost 40lbs and the smallest I have ever been, I've been keeping up with my looks better, dressing nicer, doing the GAL thing, even before he said anything about separating, so I don't even know what to do that would initiate this.
