That's a good idea about using the Secret for the conversations...
A movie is good too as it means we don't have to talk, but will have something to talk about afterwards.
I am pretty sure H would say this is not a date and that nothing has changed, so I will be acting only as a friend...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
H started IMing me about various more serious things like about not having time to study, about work being stressful, about the travel getting to him etc. This was definitely the warning sign that something R-related was coming up...
He said "thank you for giving me time to think. I really appreciate it." I only said anytime...
It frightens me when he thinks about things!!! Then he started on about how he was going on a jog to relax...
Please think positive for me. I really want at least one conversation where R things are more positive...And I know an R conversation is coming up soon.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Try to keep calm and breathe. I think you psych yourself out too much and then you tend to overreact when the R talk does come. I think you are doing well and that things could be changing but you have to remember that it is all baby steps and that there is still a long road ahead.
I'm so glad to hear you are finally GAL and having a good time at your friends house. That made me smile. I hope it is improving your PMA and helping you keep calm.
I'm also soo happy for you about this date he is taking you on. I also love love love the idea of asking him to take you back to your friends house instead of your place. Even if he asks you back or hints at ML stay strong and just politely say you would rather stay at friends house for the night and then watch his head spin!!! Lol.
For some reason I am feeling really anxious today, and didn't sleep much last night at all. I'm pretty scared to be honest of what this weekend will be like. I hate that there is this brick wall between H and me now. It is palpable that there are things that should be discussed, but are not being discussed.
I do psych myself out, but it can be very draining to keep hearing D talk when all actions point toward loving me and wanting to be with me...I know everyone advocates against R talk, but I do think that I am going to need to say something. In fact this will be a 180 for me to mention the way that things are between us instead of smiling and acting like everything is OK. I will see how things go of course, but I really do believe that it is necessary for me to show some feelings, and be a little more honest. Last time we had one of those terrible conversations, he said that it was clear that I was so happy, while he was so unhappy, and that I haven't been hearing anything he's been saying. So I need to perhaps explain where I am coming from a bit more.
I guess it's just a red flag for me whenever he thinks about things, as he tends to ruminate, and focus on the negatives. He gets caught up in guilt, and panics. I am going to need to find out somehow whether he likes me to stay in the house with him or whether this is pressure. Our conversations on IM are so nice and normal now. It is just trying to move beyond IM and to in-person that makes things a challenge...
I am still planning to stay at my friend's house tomorrow night, but at the same time I am not going to close myself off if he does make any positive gestures. I feel like he is pretty insecure right now, and I need to walk the fine line between being absolutely loving and not acting like a doormat. I guess we all need to find that balance. Since there is no OW, I am maybe more lenient than others...
OK hoping for positive vibes today. I am really trying to think positive again!
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Stop being scared and stop the negative thoughts. Remember no expectations then you free yourself from the worry!!!
I do agree that maybe if an R talk does come up try your best not to get emotional and do not tell him how he feels, you know what do a 180 and don't talk about him at all, talk about YOU and how this is affecting you, and how you feel about it!!! Open his eyes to the fact that there are two of you going through this. Don't get mushy or anything just matter of fact.
Hopefully none of this will even have to come up as you will have a great day out at the outlets, go see a movie and be able to go to your friends house and gush about what a great day you had.
Sep--I am trying so hard not to be scared. I know I need to be positive again, and it's just that I feel like I have been through the wringer. I always believe his positive actions and statements, and then I end up thinking things are OK and he flips again...I think in terms of R talk, I will sadly need to focus only on him as I have gotten the advice that he feels as though I am not listening to him. Of course this means that I am likely going to need to listen to extreme negativity without crying and arguing, but I will need to listen...I did tell him that this was impacting me at my job etc., and it freaked him out, so I think I need to stay away from this for the moment. I do just want a good day with him, like I thought we'd had in Galway...
Ali--he's asked me how long I am staying at my friend's, and I'd said at least through tonight. Then he said that he would pick me up tomorrow, so I assume that he thinks I'm staying with him. However, I guess I will deal with this technicality after the outlets (assuming we still go). We IMd a very little bit today. He said only that it was a hellish day at work, asked how I was...I was at lunch so didn't respond, and he called me a couple of nicknames. Then there was no more talk until 5 PM when I had to tell him that the repairman had texted me about going to the house. He said he was going to some open house thing at his school tonight. I went to a meeting, came back, and he was offline. So I texted him to ask what time he was coming to pick me up tomorrow, but haven't heard yet in 2 hours...This is pretty annoying as it means I will have to pursue him at some point if he doesn't contact me back. I sort of have the feeling that he will reach out late tonight, but I am not too sure.
OK maybe I should watch the Secret or something to try to get myself in a more positive mood!
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Finally heard from H, nearly 4 hours after sending the initial text...I think he has been out drinking, but whatever...He was supposed to pick me up in the morning (his suggestion), and asked if I could "come home" instead. Then I asked if there was a specific time he wanted to go, and he wrote back immediately and said outlet. This is why I think he's drunk since he didn't even read the right question. So then just followed up to ask if there was a time he wanted me to be there, and now no response again. Pretty annoyed. I have a feeling he is going to be hungover in the morning. I think my new plan is that I am going to call around 10, and get an idea about whether he actually still wants to hang out. If he is irritable and sounds disinterested or like he is doing me a favor, I may in fact decline to spend time with him and go over on Sunday instead. I know I am assuming things already, but I'm just trying to be prepared...I have to admit that when I first saw the text asking me to come home I was worried that he wanted to have another R talk and this was why he wanted me home. I guess him being drunk is better than this, but maybe this is still his intention...wish I wasn't obsessing about this so much.
So, we'll see if I hear back from him again tonight. My money is on not hearing back. I will probably need to call him in the morning.
ITH...
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
