TxMom- help I'm still hopeful -#2 post

[faithrunner]

Txmom,
I could have written Amy's post myself! High five, Amy! I believe in the same process of giving this battle over to God. I also struggle with what H and OW are doing and my internal phrase is, "stop it, Satan." Laying this down doesn't mean that you can't feel your sadness, He sees every tear you cry. Just like Amy said, hopefully you get to a point where you realize that it is God who is doing the work on your H and it is not your job to fix.

I also agree that this is meant to propel us to a higher level. I don't know what my endpoint will be, but some days I absolutely feel this rush inside of me. I know God is carrying me.

I did get the opportunity to tell H my feelings earlier this week (b/c he acted like a total jerk, see T2L's thread). I feel like it was a positive thing in the end b/c he has apologized non stop since that night, and now I don't sit and go, "if he only knew how much I've sacrificed for him this past year!" He knows. And, I think he was really surprised to hear it all. Not that it will change anything, but it made me feel stronger to keep moving forward. I know that if this marriage doesn't reconcile, H has a clear picture of what he's done and all the crap he left in his wake. BTW, I don't recommend sitting down to have this discussion. No R talk is still a great rule. It came up for me b/c my H screwed up bigtime and I needed to stand up for myself.