I know. I want to diffuse that from happening and am trying to intervene when it starts, but I do not always get there in time. I am actually having a sitdown with D16 tonight. It is her show, so hopefully she wants to talk about a lot of this. I do not want to pressure any of them.
I do get concerned though that by not calling W on some things, I am not showing them the right thing? I don't know...
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
Just continue being the loving husband and father that you are. Don't pretend like you don't hear her. When she said those things, respond to her ("I can print it out", "Your mother is right, you need to be in bed", etc.) Your kids love both of you and don't want to take sides. She wants them to act like you don't exist. It's ridiculous.
That's good about talking to them. If they want to talk to you, they will. SOunds like you are ready when they are and that's all you need to do.
Maybe just my sense, but appears the eldest two kids are getting less and less patient with this...
I don't blame them. It's ridiculous.
During our sitch, my wife tried a couple of times to do the ol' "talking thru the kids" thing. You know, I'd be standing right there, and she'd say to S11 "Ask your father if he's going to be home for dinner tonite." I put a stop to it both times, IMMEDIATELY -- "W, please don't talk to me thru the kids. If you want to know something, just ask me please."
Hey LIS........thanks for the hugs, its so cold today and i had a long hard nite. nice to come "home" here and finally feel something nice for a change.
dad first always, girls need thier daddys, really.
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
Just had a chat with D16. She is tired of the tension. Just wants W and I to have separate houses. She figures all that would be different is that we wouldn't all be together, but we aren't now anyway. I tried to get into how a lot more would be different, but didn't push. Just wanted to listen more than anything. There is more time for more discussions. Broke my heart to see her tears. Anybody else have older kids that felt the same way? No she doesn't know about the A...
Have to recompose myself for chat #2 coming up in 45 minutes...
Last edited by lost_in_space; 11/07/0804:17 AM.
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
When I spoke to OM GF she wanted the same thing. Be careful what you give up...you don't want to get yourself in any extra trouble.
Agreed. "Less is more" when it comes to these things. Give her the LEAST in quantity, but the most damning piece of intel that you have, and leave it at that. If she wants more, tell her your atty advised you not to even give her that.
I'm sorry to hear about your D16 in tears -- it breaks my heart. My two girls were 18 and 20 when their mother had her affair last summer, and it was tough on them, esp. D18. It "helped" that they both knew about the affair in that they knew there were very strong reasons for their parents' disconnect and tension.
Be careful. YOur poor kiddos are feeling in the middle of this.
Anybody else have older kids that felt the same way? No she doesn't know about the A...