Hope things are going alright with you, Aud! I guess the lack of update says a lot, 'eh!?
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Yeah, I guess the lack of update does say a lot. Things are still really good overall .
I occasionally get sideswiped by panic that he *could* still be cheating on me (though it's happening less and less...don't know if I'll ever get rid of it completely). I don't bring it up with him, there's a lot more going on in the "trustworthy behavior" column than the other with him right now.
I know he still talks to OW fairly often...he claims he speaks more with her love interest (WIERD). I know he's not looking for ways to get out of town to connect with her because he's not taken a work trip to her state since January. He does have to make a ten day run just before Thanksgiving, and I hate that, but don't feel like I have grounds to whine about it. He does need to go get the work done, and he's planning on a grueling work schedule, so hopefully no play time.
Reality is: I don't think I'll ever fully trust him again, I know he is capable of the ultimate betrayal. But I'm glad for what I do have and I'll keep working on myself for as long as I live.
Oh, and I've been able to get to a place of peace regarding our Church. My faith is so precious to me, and I have struggled a lot with H's unwillingness to go through the process required to return to full activity. Honestly, I think he just doesn't want to face it. He'd rather just forget it all and move on. But there are still consequences that have to be met on that level, and he has yet to decide to face them.
For a long time, this ate at me, because I believe my marriage is meant to be for eternity, beyond this life, and that requires continual effort on both our parts. At this point, he is not worthy of that blessing.
I have finally accepted that it is his choice. It affects me and our children, of course, but it is entirely up to him. I just keep hoping and praying that someday he'll feel it's important enough to him to do something about it.
Glad you're doing well! I feel a lot of the things you do.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Probably the guilt of what he has done, and he feels he had gone too far to come back? I think you are doing the right thing by praying and working on yourself. I know what you mean about trust --- I doubt I will ever completely trust my H either. He crossed a line that caused too much pain. I think we would be fools to trust again. But, I do trust in parts of our lives --- enough to function well, I think.
Take care.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
You know, Aud, you guys are really young. I think he'll come around in faith as his "mortality" sets in? I'm glad you've worked out the struggle as you can only pray that he gets where you are.
I think you girls are on the right track. Don't let H inability to deal with his mistakes hold you back. Work on yourself, give him room to change and grow, eventually he will have to either step up or give in. Either way, you have done your best and that which is required by him who will judge. My sitch shows what happens when they don't fully and willingly do that which is required to make things right. The past haunts them, they give up and revert back to the path of least resistance.
If this happens, you will walk away knowing you did your best. Yes it will hurt again, but you won't regret the work you did. My children know who did the right thing, they can sense it. Your actions can be a standing lesson to them on doing the right things, even when it is inconvenient. My prayers are that your H does the right things and gets back on the right path to a happier future.
I hope that he will eventually come around...I often ask for the right circumstances, the right influences to be in his life to bring him to that place in his heart. Right now, there's time...but life can change in an instant, and that's kind of scary, you know?
Funny, so many things in life are that way: scary...you just have to keep your eye on the goal and push forward anyway.
I've been thinking of you too Phoenix. I'm glad for your example, and wish you weren't dealing with all these consequences. How are things going for you?
