Thanks nw! Good to know there are others out there in my sitch....
On Tuesday, my W calls me to tell me about her 42 yr old woman friend that recently divorced, how she's now stalking a 24yr old guy she had a relationship with that he broke off (not sure whether that started before she got divorced or not). My W was in her car with her while she was chasing the guy through town! My W told em she feared for her life as she was speeding through red lights, etc... etc... She said she had a crazy look in her eyes, just insane. I guess my W felt she needed to talk to someone about it and she called me! Then later that night she called again to talk more. Feels like she's emotionally connected and intimate with me, telling me everything that's on her mind, even other people's R's (but not our R). So I liked that, made me feel good!
I think the real thing I have trouble with is keeping up the PMA when it seems we go back a few steps. The last phone conversation ended with her telling me that she would call me the next day. Of course, as I already half expected, no call. I guess I get my hopes up too high when she says these things and then I go in a downward spiral, seeing only the bad things that are happening. But I feel a little better this morning again. It's been basically a year since ILYBNILWY and 4.5 months since she moved out and I just wish things would move a little quicker, especially with the holidays coming up. Don't know what to do with all these invitations to Xmas parties, etc...
I do realize I need to give her more time though. I have gone through a mini MLC between fall 2005 and fall 2007 (when she told me ILYBNILWY is when I was finally feeling better!!), so she's had to deal with me for 2 yrs, now it's my turn. I just read the MLC chapter in DR and it sounds just like me 3 yrs ago. Kind of scary! My W did not have DR then (still doesn't that I know of), so I just think she took things personally (which is COMPLETELY understandable!!) and thought that it was over, grieved and got over it. Then she threw herself on her new business and it's not going well, it's just costing her money right now. Together with having to pay for all of her housing and bills, she's hit "rock bottom financially" (her words during our last R talk on 10/13). Now that she realizes that it wasn't over and I am out of it, she's the one that "lost" the feelings. I don't want to be in that position when she comes out of it, so I am trying to hold on!
We are going to a concert on Sat, so we'll see how that goes. Thing is, when we do go on dates, we have a GREAT time, it's just like old times, except we don't hold hands or anything like that. Every time we see each other, she hugs me and kisses me goodbye... Just keep wanting more!
Need to keep looking for babysteps to help keep up PMA!!!
