Sorry Jen will respond to your post later and I really appreciate it, but right now just have to say WTH???? Getting IMd from H as I type...
We were joking around, then he says "ur cute". Then he calls me "silly billy", another nickname...then asks could we really afford to go to Morocco for Xmas?????
Truth is if he moves out, the answer is no, but if he doesn't, I will definitely make it work. So, I just said that I would let him know what my bonus was going to be...
I just don't know what happened, and I know well enough now to know that one positive gesture doesn't mean a change of heart, but I guess there are a few things that may have contributed to this.
Maybe it's my new strategy already? Maybe it was me not being home, and moreover my email saying I wouldn't stop him from moving out?
Anyway I do know this is a rollercoaster, so I will try not to pin too many hopes on this, but in any case at least it is nice to get something positive...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
ITH very good mind set, you know that he flip flops so easily so it is best not to have too many hopes about this positive interaction (not yet anyway )
There is no point in trying to figure out the reason for his good mood, does it really matter? Just enjoy it!!! LoL
It is odd that he has not mentioned you not coming home but he might later no use dwelling on that either. You know that you have to go their on the weekend and you can just bring that up on Friday if it has not come up already by then.
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Hmm. I guess what I am looking for is him to invite me back into "his" life and house again, slowly at first, and then hopefully on a permanent basis by the end of December.
So short-term goals, i.e. in the next 2 weeks would be:
H asks me to stay some nights of his own accord We start acting like friends again, i.e. we do some activities together out of the house H agrees to MC We make plans to spend Christmas/New Years together
I think these are realistic, and while I'd love to see more progress, these would be steps in the right direction.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Today he is back to being cold. I wish this didn't impact my emotions so much.
Today I just reached out once on IM to say that I hoped the repairman finally came. This is honestly the first time that I have initiated a conversation in at least 2 months. This was nearly 2 hours ago, and no response...
I am pretty paranoid now that he said he was going to do some thinking on the email I sent to him. I am worried that I am going to get another emotional email, and I don't feel prepared to deal with it again. I really hope that I'm wrong...
I am just so ready for a clear positive!
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
He asked me how long I would be staying at my friend's house, and I wasn't sure what to say...
I want him to invite me back directly, so I don't know how to address this. I said only "I am flexible, but at least through tomorrow night." Then I said I was having fun there, which I actually am.
Then the conversation went on to be joking about silly things, and that's where it's at...
Help! What do I do? I do need to go to the house this weekend to get things no matter what, and I do want to spend time with him, but I want him to suggest it. If I just show up, then I am potentially pressuring. If he has asked me, then perhaps it will be a more positive experience as he does not need to feel as though I have forced myself on him.
I am actually a little bit nervous about staying in the house at this point though, as it seems to keep leading to bad R talks. I'm having a really hard time envisioning myself hanging out there, which is a bizarre feeling to have.
Ugh, ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Have you thought about just showing up at the house just to get your things and see if once he sees you he offers for you to stay awhile?
I mean you can't actually wait for him to invite you just to get your things, it is your house too and you shouldn't have to ask permission just to get some of your things.....
You have to stop letting his emotional rollercoaster affect you!! His actions and attitiude have nothing to do with you and I know it's hard but you can't let it get you down. If you do get another email from him do not read it at work wait until you get yo your friends house, you do not need the rest of your work day potentially ruined.
Hang in there, there will be a turn for the better just stay positive!!!
Well in terms of just showing up, I think this would be pretty disrespectful of his wishes as he has always said that he doesn't want me just "popping by" if I'm giving him space. I would definitely ask/tell him in advance. I want to give this my best effort of working toward us living together again, so in order to do this, I want to make sure he really, truly feels like he has his own space.
I do know on one level that his attitude has nothing to do with me, but he thinks it has everything to do with me, and therefore he says those things about not having hope for the M...It just really hurts to hear those things, and I guess I have started to go into panic mode when I see signs that he is "thinking about things." My blood ran cold when I got his email yesterday saying he was thinking...
UPDATE
He has now said that on Saturday he could come pick me up, go to the stores, and maybe a movie...
I am going to say yes, and will just not assume anything about staying at the house. In fact, maybe I will not stay at the house, and will ask him to take me to my friend's house after our "date"...
It seems as though he always tries to do this, to spend time with me and then afterwards he'll say that it made him unhappy. I guess I want to minimize the time together to the point where there are no chances for awkward silences and/or R talks...
Does this seem like a good plan? If he really insists on me staying (ha! that would be a 1st :)), I am likely to cave in, but if it's just unspoken, then I think I will select to go back to my friend's house...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Hmmmm yea I do see your point. And you are doing really good to givev him his space that he requested. It is great that he does want to do something outside of the house on the weekend.
So it looks like you have a date to look forward to now!! It is a great plan!!!
Maybe you can ala the secret, try to envision your day on Saturday down to all the details of what conversations you will have on the drive there and give yourself a positive perception of the day.
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