Trying2Live-Post #3

[Trying2live]

Hey there! I'm back.
Hope very nice not answering, ya know I can hear him come out of the fog a bit-but remember NO EXPECTATION that's a good sign but your still in the early stages. Didn't I tell you that in a weird way you would feel better when he is gone. its like the crazy atmosphere leaves. I used to say Idk how you guys did it with H still in the house. I'm glad you are staying busy. I think when I go to Plan B per SAA book I will paint my room and do some decorating.

I am envisioning daily myself having the most joy that is possible during the Holidays. I remind my self that God loves me, I have wonderful friends and family who love me. I breath in my lungs,and I have my munchkins, what more can one ask for? A lot of people that I personally know are going through the same thing and they got a boyfriend so fast. Not even divorced and now I listen to them and there problems. I want to be at a place where I can have joy and peace just as I am and NOT because a spouse is at my side. I know that sounds so crazy but its so important to me. Though our spouses are a blessing to our lives they should never be our source of joy and peace only a blessing to the joy an peace. God gives us joy and peace in the midst of storms. Peace doesn't leave us we leave the position of peace and I don't want to do that. So this Holiday I am going to try my darnedest to enjoy it, because I have my kids who are just life to me and i want to enjoy every minute of it with them. They deserve a mom with as much joy as possible so they can enjoy the season too. Ok I'm rambling.....

I know what your feeling at times hope I have been there and I'm sure when I go to plan b it will be difficult but you know what helped me during that time was to GAL, keep busy, redirect your focus every time the sorrow comes just change your thoughts immediately talk with friends, and know that it does get just a tiny bit easier as you get more confident and stronger and skinnier LOLOLOLOL I;m kidding but its a great confidence builder and I'm so proud of your diligence in getting that healthy strong body.

Sounds like being unavailable and not answering calls is getting to him. I really feel like although this hurts its a great season of growth for you too, because you are learning to let go in areas, does that make sense? And I feel like the more that happens the more of that relaxed and joyful person maybe you used to be able to be is going to come back. I know as we get in ruts as married women and myself too, we lose that feminine nature that I told you all about and we get so serious and we forget how to laugh. I just thought of this, goal for everyone for the next week, I did this myself because I didn't know how to get back to feeling normal and one day I think God was like I just want you to laugh again, so girls as crazy as it sounds find something to laugh about everyday. In fact as I think about my life right now its making me laugh at how really stupid it is..LOLOLOL....Laughter is medicine for the heart and here's your 2nd goal find something to laugh about in the presence of your spouse. There is something so confident and attractive about a joyful person. Can you do it??

And post as much as possible and be transparent no one here cares if you goof up we just want to support each other okie dokie?

Ok so i told you H came by today out of no where, he wasn't supposed to come until tomorrow. I guess he was working about 20 minutes away and he and 2 free hours so he popped over.

He spent at least 45 with me just talking on the bed. He did reach and grab my rear and did hint that he wanted to get some "afternoon delight" LOL but unfortunately I can't-monthly feminine down time-darn!!! But when he did try to grab my rear, I say Oh so ya miss me don't ya and I smile and he says nope I'm just being a guy and doing what guys do. I laugh out loud and I say nope you miss me!

But we layed on my bed and talked and enjoy each others company, hugged, and part of the time I sat on his chest. That's the update for today. He'll be back tomorrow.....