New Me - Will WAW ever notice?

[Kakatal]

Came home, ate dinner, w joined me at table when I was done. She talked about her job, doesn't know schedule & how it will impact her watching kids. Repeated that if I need help I can ask her. Thanked her & said I would do my best to plan things so that if I needed help it would on a day she didn't have to work.

She asked if there was anything I wanted to talk about. Said I only had 1 question for her. Prefaced it with I appreciate all the help she has given in cleaning the house & didn't want to stop her in any way from helping, but why are you helping? W says her kids live there & she wants to keep things clean for them. Says she shouldn't have to defend herself for wanting what is best for her kids. I said I understood what she was saying. I am not asking you to defend yourself, just I want to understand. Asked my why would I ask her this question. I said that to me I was trying to understand why if you have left the house you feel the need to come back & clean it. Now I understand. This was a 10 min conversation so this is the readers digest version :-)

W asked if I had any other questions for her - No. I asked her if she had anything she wanted to ask me - No. I asked if there was anything she wanted to talk about - No. Thanked her for her time, got up & left table - went into my bedroom to process what happened & relax.

Hear wife come down hallway & the real talk starts. Was focused on listening but hard to recall all that was said. Following is scattered bits of conversation.

Told wife I now am very aware of how my behavior had impacted her. That I was a prick & selfish when it came to being a father. I didn't have a clue what it took to be a good dad. Didn't know how to help with kids.

W reiterated her desire to go to counseling with me. Asked me to get business card of my therapist partner since she lost the one I gave her. I feel she is implying she wants to do her own therapy.

W said that she believed in God. That she changed her opinions to conform to what I espoused & started actually seeing things my way instead of being her own person. Told her I knew what she was saying & that I was very hard to deal with since I felt I always had to be right, knew everything & could not admit I was wrong - defend my position to the end.

W acknowledged changes with how I am with kids - says it is great for them.

W said that now that i am "SuperDad" kids think bad of her since she isn't around to do all the things Dad does with them & spend money to take them to all the places I have. Told her that money didn't matter - kids just want my time whether it is playing cards with them, pigpile on dad or getting to travel somewhere. Stated that she has always been invited to come along to our events.

Long talk about me telling things to kids. I acknowledged that I made mistakes telling some things to him but that I had a very hard time dealing with my emotions - heart broken, w leaving me for another man. Cried a lot & kids wanted to know why. I have been able to move past all that pain but realize that some things I said - mom doesn't love me, mom doesn't want to live her - have had an impact on S4.

W said she wants to get court to order co-parenting classes so that I can learn how to discuss the situation with kids better than I have.

W said she wanted to talk about how she felt now but wanted to save that for another night. Just said ok. No clue what she meant by this.

At end w said she was glad I said I was sorry. Told her that I didn't have any problem talking about things. Said I felt we were getting along better & hope that talk doesn't set us backwards. She said she didn't think it would. She left with kids, got a hug on way out.

30 mins later get a brief email - Thanks for talking. Replied thanks for talking & listening.

Upon reflection, not much has changed. W still very bitter about my past treatment of her, past mistakes I had made, what a poor father I was, etc. W still wants to cut me off when I am talking - dealing with that by stating that if she will not let me finish my point we can just talk another time. W still feels that I cannot understand what she had to endure.

Positives - she acknowledged my improved relationship with kids, said she knows I am doing best I can with them

Baby steps - bit of progress but good reality check as well. Just need to keep focus on me & kids.