So - there's a lot of people I don't send 20 emails a day to. The list includes all of the people I have no emotional investment in as well as most of the ones I do. I would never put this much time into communicating with someone unless I had a fairly intensive level of attachment and/or emotional investment with them. This may or may not be true of your husband, but one thing that speaks for itself is that, for whatever reason, he was recently willing to spend a lot of energy communicating with you.
Thanks so much for your advice, aimhigh. You don't sound like a junior member though!!! I have wondered that too. When he dropped the bomb almost a year ago, he said he was done and moved on and all that, but it does seem weird to email someone a dozen or more times a day if you feel nothing for them. But yet, he still has a girlfriend, so there it is...
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Emails are interesting because they can give you a record of your own way of communicating with someone and the relationship dynamics. It sounds like your recent communication follows a very common point - counterpoint way of communicating. While it may seem very logical, it can also drive people into very set patterns of defensive thnking and communicating. Why not try throwing your husband a curveball and see what he does with it?
Next time you interact with husband, unpredictably agree with or validate something he says where he is not expecting that response. If there's any part of you that can simply agree with something that you have traditionally disagreed with, then do so by simply saying "I agree" and leaving dead silence until he says something. Or if you can't agree altogether, simply say something to the effect of "I totally understand where you are coming from" and then leave the same dead silence. Or, if this is an email exchange, better yet. Post your reply and say no more.
That is great advice!!! I have done that probably a few times, but mostly you're right it's point/counterpoint like it's a tennis match or something. I don't know what will result from that, but think it might help us get along better and reduce some of the arguing emails so definitely worth a try. And I think that's great advice for a lot of us here probably... Karen
I have wondered that too. When he dropped the bomb almost a year ago, he said he was done and moved on and all that, but it does seem weird to email someone a dozen or more times a day if you feel nothing for them. But yet, he still has a girlfriend, so there it is...