The one consolation over this is that I do think when the kids are older they will look back and remember who was the stable parent always there for them.
Oh, they absolutely, positively, without a doubt, will. This is exactly what happened to my sister and her kids when she and her X split.
You just keep on being a great mom, loving, supportive and CONSISTENT.
I completly agree. I posted this yesterday onevrhopes thread
Originally Posted By: Steel_Box
I was told by a close friend who grew up with her parents fighting and divorced. The thing that she remembers the most about the whole situation was how her parents handled things differently. She said that no matter how ugly it got between her parents (and it did). He never said a bad thing about his wife to her or her sister. His wife tried to play games and talk bad about him, she tried to turn them against him. She told them about things he did, some of them were true, some weren't. He always took the higher road when it came to them. He even demanded that they show the Ex respect if for no other reason than she was their Mother. My friend knew a lot then, and figured out alot more as she grew up. But, because of how things were handled then, it completely formed the relationships she has with them now. She loved and respected her father despite his many flaws, and has had little to no contact with her mother since she turned 18.
What I took from this is: I had to stand strong for what I believed in and what I wanted. But I would insulate my children from every bit of the sitch that I could. If asked I tried to explain what they wanted to know, but in the simplest terms I could. Luckily my children were young enough that I could do this fairly easily. I did my absolute best not to fight with W when they were around (not that it didn't still happen sometimes). And, I didn't ever discuss what our problems were(details)or bad mouth her around them.
Yeah and that would look really bad on your resume!
kat
If you work at a job for one day, do you have to list it on your resume? Is that a law or something?
Believe me I have never done anything like this before. A lot of this job is doing Excel spreadsheets and the like. One of the volunteers was talking to me today and the director called me in to tell me if she distracts me anymore I should work in one of the other offices doing the spreadsheets. Well, I kind of like human interaction in all the jobs I've done, and spreadsheets is my idea of what hell would be! Doing lots of Excel spreadsheets! I know some people LOVE them, but just not me.
I know there will be an hour or 2 a week teaching classes to the kids which will be fun, but don't know if that's enough to make up for the 15 or so hours of spreadsheets. I really enjoy being with kids a lot, too, and wish I could find a job part-time with that or one where talking won't be frowned on (another thing I think you would find in Hell). I'm sure it's poor form, I just don't know if being able to put something in my resume is enough for me. I'm so stressed out tonight, I tried to sleep earlier, but I'm having insomnia.
So - there's a lot of people I don't send 20 emails a day to. The list includes all of the people I have no emotional investment in as well as most of the ones I do. I would never put this much time into communicating with someone unless I had a fairly intensive level of attachment and/or emotional investment with them. This may or may not be true of your husband, but one thing that speaks for itself is that, for whatever reason, he was recently willing to spend a lot of energy communicating with you.
Thanks so much for your advice, aimhigh. You don't sound like a junior member though!!! I have wondered that too. When he dropped the bomb almost a year ago, he said he was done and moved on and all that, but it does seem weird to email someone a dozen or more times a day if you feel nothing for them. But yet, he still has a girlfriend, so there it is...
Quote:
Emails are interesting because they can give you a record of your own way of communicating with someone and the relationship dynamics. It sounds like your recent communication follows a very common point - counterpoint way of communicating. While it may seem very logical, it can also drive people into very set patterns of defensive thnking and communicating. Why not try throwing your husband a curveball and see what he does with it?
Next time you interact with husband, unpredictably agree with or validate something he says where he is not expecting that response. If there's any part of you that can simply agree with something that you have traditionally disagreed with, then do so by simply saying "I agree" and leaving dead silence until he says something. Or if you can't agree altogether, simply say something to the effect of "I totally understand where you are coming from" and then leave the same dead silence. Or, if this is an email exchange, better yet. Post your reply and say no more.
That is great advice!!! I have done that probably a few times, but mostly you're right it's point/counterpoint like it's a tennis match or something. I don't know what will result from that, but think it might help us get along better and reduce some of the arguing emails so definitely worth a try. And I think that's great advice for a lot of us here probably... Karen
OK, LIS, that just hurts, it really hurts!!! I'm so confused I can't even figure out a good smiley for this one!!!
Ummmmmm. I am confused????? I never meant to cause any grief. I was simply trying to have you wait before making any decisions. If it came across differently, I am so sorry about that.
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
I have wondered that too. When he dropped the bomb almost a year ago, he said he was done and moved on and all that, but it does seem weird to email someone a dozen or more times a day if you feel nothing for them. But yet, he still has a girlfriend, so there it is...