We had a pretty awful day today, the boys and I. Each of them had very bad behaviors today at their schools.
I talked to one of S3's teachers. He had thrown a block at one of his fellows and hit him in the head. That was bad enough, but it got worse. Then he spit in another kid's face. But the one thing he did that has really gotten me and his teachers concerned is that he grabbed the leg of one of his classmates on the jungle gym and tried to pull them off -- not once but several times, even after he had been warned.
Nobody can tell me what went on to cause his behavior to turn so bad.
But before I could pick S3 up from preschool (I usually pick him up before S7 to give his older brother more time at the YMCA's rides-out after-school program) I got a call from one of the counselors that we needed to pick S7 up ASAP because he was behaving seriously bad.
First, S7 had again been late to his rides-out meeting after school (the third time now) and had argued with his counselors and refused to give them the attention and respect he knows he is supposed to.
Then he somehow got an ink pen while they were assembled in the school gym and proceeded to scribble/mark up a large section of the floor in black ink. He got ink all over a wide area and on his clothing. The staff was trying to clean up the mess as best they could when I arrived. The couselors relayed the incidents to me and told me that S7 was being suspended from the Rides-In/Rides-Out program for one day as punishment. I know that if they cannot clean up the damage sufficiently then the Y is going to have to pay to have it repaired/replaced -- and they will surely forward those charges to me and W to pay. It might even mean that the school itself might suspend S7.
Needless to say this is serious.
I was quiet and said hardly anything on the drive back home after picking them both up. I don't know what I'm going to do. We've tried everything with S7, and with S3. Nothing seems to work. I now feel like we have, at W's insistence, failed to administer the right amount of corporal punishment as a means to discipline our children. Despite professing early on in the belief that sparing the rod spoils the child, since having our sons W has reneged on this stance, refuses to even "go there", even if it were for their sake. She has insisted instead that we try every other means of discipline first. Well we have, and we've no run out of other options.
We once both believed as I do now, that as long as it is not abusive and in love for the child, you have to just love a child enough to not rule out corporal punishment where appropriate. We have since parted ways on that -- I acquiesced, deferring to my wife and their mother ... and now I fear the chickens have come home to roost.
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On another note, I am also in some emotional pain tonight because S7 had been given an assignment in class to write about one of his grandparents. This included gathering photos of that grandparent when they were at the grandchild's current age. Well, while talking with W, it came out that S7 had chosen W's own mother to write about -- yes, my MIL.
I have been struggling with this since S7 announced this a couple of days ago. In case any of you are unaware, my MIL is sin incarnate. I was kind to her and even took her into my home, and she repaid my kindness with treachery and deceit by aiding and abetting my W's A and advising her to end our M. The MIL has even blessed a union between OM and my W! I know the person ultimately responsible for this infidelity and for destroying my M is my W, but I am having a very difficult time in not hating (Lord Almighty, please help me) this vile, treacherous person, my MIL.
I can forgive a lot of things done to me in this life. But I cannot abide people who purposely lead others astray just to satisfy their own selfish ends. Committing adultery oneself, three times even, is bad enough, but encouraging your own child to pursue the same damnable offense goes beyond the pale.
So when W forwarded me some email attachments sent to her from MIL, pictures of MIL when she was S7's age, I balked. It kills my soul that S7 chose this woman (please, anyone but her) who contributed to the destruction of his family and thus threatening the security of his future. Lord, I just don't know if I can really forgive her -- she's so frakking unrepentant and nasty. And I just don't want her having any influence on my S's lives anymore than she has already.
But as a follower of Christ, I know I must try to forgive her, just as I must try to forgive my W. So I reluctantly printed out these old photos -- all the while tears were welling up in my eyes, I am so conflicted.
I love my S's so much that I won't let my animosity towards their wicked grandmother prevent me from doing right by them. I love them more than I can hate her.
