From reading your string of posts it sounds like you are a resilient person who galvanized yourself in the face of a very difficult challenge. Your reference to yourself as "trying to be patient and strong" and the fact you are on this website implies that you continue to have some level of investment in your marriage, even if you are not totally sure where you want to go. I understand. Everyone must deal with the question of when to say when, and only you know the answer to that.
Nonetheless, maybe a few more comments from an outsider to this situation might help. First, based on your posts, it sounds like you got a hold of yourself and avoided falling into the trap of escalating neediness and overpursuit of your husband. Congratulations, because that is a real challenge. It sets up options you would probably not have otherwise.
So - there's a lot of people I don't send 20 emails a day to. The list includes all of the people I have no emotional investment in as well as most of the ones I do. I would never put this much time into communicating with someone unless I had a fairly intensive level of attachment and/or emotional investment with them. This may or may not be true of your husband, but one thing that speaks for itself is that, for whatever reason, he was recently willing to spend a lot of energy communicating with you.
Emails are interesting because they can give you a record of your own way of communicating with someone and the relationship dynamics. It sounds like your recent communication follows a very common point - counterpoint way of communicating. While it may seem very logical, it can also drive people into very set patterns of defensive thnking and communicating. Why not try throwing your husband a curveball and see what he does with it?
Next time you interact with husband, unpredictably agree with or validate something he says where he is not expecting that response. If there's any part of you that can simply agree with something that you have traditionally disagreed with, then do so by simply saying "I agree" and leaving dead silence until he says something. Or if you can't agree altogether, simply say something to the effect of "I totally understand where you are coming from" and then leave the same dead silence. Or, if this is an email exchange, better yet. Post your reply and say no more.
Then, pay close attention to the changes in the ensuing conversation and see if this approach continues to be worthwhile through rerouting stale patterns of point - counterpoint communication.
A second option is to simply not reply and see if he escalates and/or changes the nature of his approaches or backs off altogether. Again, it's about testing alternatives to old ways of relating. If he backs off, you always have the option of coming back - if you want to - and explaining that for whatever reason you were not in a position to reply at that time. Once again, if the results seem worthwhile, put this one in your toolbox. If they don't, move on to another new approach.
