Having to deal with financial matters to which XH has not held to. Now I believe I am goign to have to take him to court to enforce what was established. NEVER have I wanted to be the "evil" woman in this... and I am still praying about it. But, the manipulation and lies continue (in regards to financial matters)
Moving forward....
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
I look at the post. The YEARS that we spent with them. Mine was over 1 month after 21 years. (that is when the d was final) Others just like me...20 years - some less some more. Just heart breaking.
The black hole..I have talked about it lately - but i see what it is and I dotn like it. It is my tunnel. Kinda like the mlc tunnel..though mine is one i have to go through. I choose to go through it.
the tunnel. i dont see light yet --- and i understand now why people "relationship hop" and try and fill holes with other things. i understand it now -- wish i wsas through it - wish i was on the otherside but i have no choice -- i have to wait -- wait till i see light.
my tunnel brings fear - and unknown. i told c last time i went that i understand why people bail out here.... this is uncomfortable. before i knew my feelings-good bad or otherwise. i knew anger, hurt, sorrow. i dont recognize this -- again i say it is unknown. i dont like it.
many try and give you hope when you are here. and it is what they need to do to do thier part. often it feels patronizing. i know that is not the intent....but some days it is just that you just want to get through....not that you dont want to believe that something good can come out of all of this. it isn't that at all. i wish i could explain it better
its not that i want to wallow - i can't and i wont..but getting through this stage is exhausting. i dont know why. probably the sturggle between holding on to what was/what my hopes and dreams are and moving forward. and in that still believing that xh will someday wake up and we can again be a family.
in the mean time it is work on cagzmom time. and that means what? i have no more anger, and yes saddness but not that deep deep sorrow (at least not every hour). i dont know how you guys do this being a single parent with more than one child...ALL OF YOU amaze me. My daughter is 12 and fairly self efficient ACCEPT I DO HAVE TO SAY we ARE goign through early adolescents so I can often have a toddler, teenager and adult all at teh same time!! (HA!!)
some day i will post a post of joy and happiness..today it is just bluck.. that is the only way to describe it.
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
Hey Cagzmom, it's still hard, and you're still going. One day you will take your daughter to tour universities up and down the coast. One day you will take vacations with her, see the Alamo, hike the Grand Canyon, go on a Cruise in the Caribbean. One day...
But for now you gotta weather this storm.
You ever think about finding a local support group? For a while I did that - there was a group at church, people going through divorce. We'd get together and talk once a week. It was really helpful.
Yep. It is hard. Some days are better than others. Some days it still seems like the bomb drop was yesterday, and I'm still in shock and disbelief.
Some days people ask me how I'm doing, and I can say, "Good," or "I'm okay." Other days the best I can manage is to say, "I'm still here." (As in, I'm still walking, talking, and breathing, but that's about it.)
It's crappy for all of us, but it does kind of help me to know I'm not the only one going through it. Thanks for sharing your feelings.
We went to mediation, I got a crap deal that I'm not happy with but which I felt pressured to take (by my lawyer and the mediator.) They kept telling me that it was better than what a judge would do. I'm not so sure about that. I felt rushed. I should have put my foot down and said I wanted to continue to another day (it was close to 6pm), but the mediator was worried that if my H had time to talk to the OW, he would change his mind about some stuff. I'm not so sure that would have been a bad thing, as now I'm pretty sure some things got left out that really should have been addressed. (Mostly kid issues, not money issues.)
I'm sorry that you are having to think about taking your H back to court. I'll probably be looking at that in a year or two, as well. My stbxH is a doctor, and he made $100,000.00 dollars LESS in 2007 than he did in the previous 3 to 4 years (and the loss all coming AFTER divorce papers were served.) So the mediator said if I can prove his income goes right back up after the D is final, I'll have good grounds to take him back to court in a year or two to ask for more child support.
Of course, will I even have the money then to hire a lawyer to do that? We'll have to see.
I know that God will provide for us, but all this change is hard to navigate.
Hope things are looking up for you soon.
Me:40, xH:41 M:19 T:21 D14, S10, D6 IDLYA bomb:12/22/06 OW bomb (21 yr. old employee):12/23/06 H move out 2/07, OW move in 5/07 D papers served 6/07 D final Nov. 26, 08 :-(
some things taht i have learned through this are that God is and always truly was my Provider. Even though xh either gives financially now or gave in the past -whatever it was truly GOD that was providing.
Even now - it is so wierd as xh is spuratic with his giving....but it seems as though it is always "enough". Just like God isnt' it? just enough.
Other things..
I can think. I always used to get scared going (driving) places when I hadnt been there before. Sure I would use mapquest or whatever but well I am more visual that way. ANYWAY through this stupid journey i have learned how to read the maps better -- get lost and FIND my way out without calling someone. (ie without calling xh). I can think. I can hang picture and plug in electronics without him. I can hook up a dryer- after getting a new power plug BY myself!
My xh was the decorator... I have learned that I too can decorate and the best part? KNOWONE here to criticize me.
So for now the best thing for me is to see the stupid little things..... people who have been through thsi say later there are BIG things to be thankful for. I dont have very many of those.... but today i think i will focus on thsoe.
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
There were a million times I wanted to throw in the towel.
Give up.
Pull the covers over my head.
Involve myself in some passionate, sex fulfilling, self-centered, lustful relationship to escape.
I would just be hurting myself.
I need closure.
Finality
A direction.
Eventually we will get there.
I now see some light.
Without ex.
I am happy for this.
My vacation with my kids was wonderful.
Never, Never, did I picture myself taking my kids on vacation alone.
I did it.
They loved it.
I felt good about ME.
Hugs Cagz.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
I think it's great that you are feeling more self-sufficient and powerful and talented. it was always in you. You just didn't know it. All this crap that was showered on you - it's just fertilizer! Now you will bloom and grow.
