Yes, H is still supportive. My poor kids had such a hard time last night --- had another seizure, but back home. H is away so they had to deal with getting me to the hospital, etc. They are such heroes.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Do you think it has been a little bit of a reality check for him. It would sure put a bit of a kink in his day to day if something drastic happened. Perhaps we all take each other for granted, this whole experience has shown both of you what each other really means. The Lord handles things in his own way and own time.
I have made it a point to make this a building instead of a tearing down experience. Hopefully this has been the same for you. From what you have said, I believe it has been. Stay strong, keep the faith.
Thanks Phoenix and Wii! I appreciate the check-in and 'shuck on the shoulder'. I need it right now. Feeling a little drugged out since the neurologist increased the meds, but still have to somehow function at school. Quite the experience. H comes home tonight, so S21 will have a bit of a break from driving D16 and I around. H has been very supportive, even while away --- checking up on us regularly, phoning in the a.m. to wake us up (the drugs keep me very sleepy so it's really hard to wake up, never mind get up in the mornings) and getting me out on the weekends. He even talks to me more!
I am still struggling with the loss of independence. I know it will come with time, once these seizures are under control. But, it's still new for me, and I get very frustrated. I read on an epilepsy message board of someone who was stricken at the age of 30 and lost his job (he was a realtor and one cannot drive for some time until seizures are under control), his family (wife divorced him, and got full custody of the children because she says the seizures frightened them), and so on. It took about a year for him to finally get control, settle down and move on with his life. He did this by moving and following a career that he always dreamed of doing - art. And he became very successful at it. He remarried. He's had many other challenges, but he feels at this time that the epilepsy forced him to make choices that worked out for him, that he wouldn't have made before.
I guess one can compare this to going through a divorce, or the struggle of a spouse's MLC, or any kind of R challenge. We are never the same afterwards. I have mostly come through the R problems, and have seen the light of just accepting things as they are. Now, I have a new challenge, and I need to learn to let go of trying to control the uncontrollable in myself, not just in others. I have to learn to let others help me when I can't help myself. It's going to take awhile, but I'm sure I'll be able to do it --- eventually.
Well, enough journalling for the day, and musing, etc.
Y'all have good weekends!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
It all must feel very frightening, Being Me. I guess life really is adjusting to what comes our way and very rarely does what we know life as now remain forever. Somebody once said that when we die our in boxes will never be empty! We keep thinking that when this or that is taken care of then life will be OK but life just keeps throwing us more curves. I guess those curves are really a big part of what makes up our lives and makes us unique! You'll handle this curve like you've handled the rest of your life, with courage and spirit! Keep on journaling whenever you need to, we're here for ya.
Most days I'm pretty positive, but there are those odd ones when I feel really down. Part of today was one of those times. I was just waiting for my S21 to fetch me, and I had just discovered that I had missed an English quiz because of the last seizure, plus I didn't get marks back from my rewrite of an essay I had handed in for Lib. Studies, so wondered if the prof. had given me an extension after all, or if the rewrite was the same mark or worse than the original. Ugh! By the time S21 arrived, I was in tears, wondering if I wasn't wasting my time at uni. I feel like all I do is spend my time in the hospital/doctors, or at uni or trying to catch up with work I've missed because all I do is spend time in the hospital or with the docs. I feel dizzy sometimes.
On the other hand, I really love having something to look forward to away from the cycle of hospitals and doctors. So, as my H says, "do what you can, enjoy it best you can, and if you fail, at least you had fun." I can't fault his advice. I tend to be a perfectionist where schoolwork is concerned and it irks me to be behind, but I will just have to live with this until all is under control. AAAAGGGGHHH!!!!
S21 gave me a brilliant bear hug earlier and that always makes me feel good. What would i so without my precious children? Can't imagine.
If ya got this far, thanks. It's good to just get it off my chest, as it were.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
So many steps have been taken in the healing of our M, that I rather forget them. Things are not perfect, but it's a far cry from a year ago. Today, my H called me 'babe' in an email, and that was one of my goals way back when the whole EA was still happening. It brought a smile to my face, and a little 'take that OW'. I know, I shouldn't get too full of myself, but just that little word brightened my day.
Otherwise, I hadn't had a seizure for 1.5 weeks, then I had one last night and then this morning. Not grande mals, but head jerkers nonetheless. At least I didn't bite my tongue --- I hate that. I still went to class, and glad I did. I just wish the docs could find what that shadow on my brain is, or the meds will start controlling things. Ah well, all in God's time, 'eh!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
\o/\o/\o/ Yay BeingMe's H! I'm so glad he did that...I know I starved for my H to use his 'nice' pet name for me, and when he finally did, I felt like things were headed back in the right direction. I'll never take it for granted again.
I too hope you find some resolution for these seizures soon...so frustrating. As always, you're in my prayers daily.
