Can't I Take Away All This Pain

[Sugar and Spice]

Just trying to get you to dig deep, Corey.
I personally don't believe it's the gambling alone that got you, your H, and your M to this place. You both played a part. H played his, you played yours. What was it? We know his, and only he can work on that

Here is what got us to where we were. My H worked out of town 8 days and was home for between 4-6 days. He got used to being gone and doing what he wanted to do. When he would come home he still acted like he lived in a Motel. He came and went as he pleased and I was left to be the parent/responsible party. I never got a minute to myself and often when my MIL would take the kids, all I wanted to do was relax and just be with him because I was tired. He wanted to go out or do something, so we drifted apart. After awhile the resentment grew. I resented him having time for himself and the opportunity to have some time away and he resented that I didn't want to go constantly when he was home. We tried, but I think we tried to give the other person what WE needed, not what they needed. I tried many times to tell him how I was feeling and I never felt like he heard me or took me seriously about it, until it was too late. I'm not saying that I was perfect, far from it. I was too busy with my kids and I didn't try and make enough time for us, but in all fairness, neither did he. I didn't force him to turn to someone else, he had the option to try and fix things before they went there and he chose not to. Thats just the truth. Do I look back and wish that I had done things differently? Of course I do, but that doesn't change today.

We actually communicate better now than we have for a couple of years. The sarcasm is not an issue with us. We each give as good as we get, thats just how we have always been. For a long time I tried not saying anything and all that got me was nowhere, I'm not going to hold it in anymore. If that is a hinderance, so be it. I will learn to choose my words more carefully, but I'm still going to say what I need to.

I should have let it go and next time I will, but I didn't yesterday and I'll have to learn from it and get past it.

Don't think for a second that I don't appreciate your insight, you do make me dig and its good for me.