Tonight when she brings up what happened with the kids and your growing impatience you need to explain that what you said was not what you meant. You were having a hard time with the kids, you were losing your patience and said stuff in the heat of the moment. It was wrong of me to unload like that on you and will work on that in the future. It had nothing to do with you and I had no right to act that way towards you.
I guess I gave the impression I yelled - I didn't. I just felt that I was bitching & complaining to the WRONG person. I want her to think all is well at home, that I am handling things just fine without her. Acting as if things will move on at home without her being there. Felt I got carried away with where the discussion had gone & needed to end it.
If/when I do fall into my old habits of anger I will come back to reference what you wrote above - very good advice on how to handle an apology.
Did not think you were yelling at her but I know what the tone of your voice must have sounded like. Its the one we all get when we are frustrated and not handling the current sitch very well. No matter what you say it sounds like you are blaming the person you are talking to even though I understand that you were not. The person, especially if it is your W, will feel that you are.
I was just saying that when this happens again, and with young kids it will happen again, you need to find a way to interact with your W that does not come off as blaming her. You are allowed to get frustrated and not have every situation undercontrol like the other night your only human and kids will be kids. Remember you can be frustrated and still be in control of your anger at the same time. That is what you need to project. Give yourself a time out, let the kids scream for a couple of minutes while you regroup then get back at it.
Originally Posted By: Kakatal
Originally Posted By: Distressed67
Tread lightly tonight during your conversation with your W. It will more than likely not start out too well so stay focused and calm. If you do this it will turn around and it will end well. Just be prepared.
Just trying to stay relaxed - been on my mind too much today. For all I know she could not even bring it up tonight so I am not doing any good thinking about a conversation that may or may not take place. But if it does, my focus is on her. Answer her questions, ask probing ones & follow ups to get her to open up.
Thanks again!
Don't you just wish you could turn your brain off and stop thinking about something you have no control over. Someone here called it mental masterbation.
