Can't I Take Away All This Pain

[GoingForward]

Just trying to get you to dig deep, Corey.

I personally don't believe it's the gambling alone that got you, your H, and your M to this place. You both played a part. H played his, you played yours. What was it? We know his, and only he can work on that.

I think back to my sitch and how my H always used to be out gambling. It put a lot of strain on our R, to say the least. I couldn't (and wouldn't) see how I chose to communicate my frustration to H. I didn't stop to think, "Hmm, is what I'm about to say to H going to help us? Or hurt us even more?" Like you've posted about yourself, I'd throw the sarcasm out there. I didn't care. I believed he needed to hear it. He did need to hear it. But not in the way I chose to say it to him. And that wasn't just always about the gambling. There were other issues as well.

I read your posts, and many times there are a lot of "bad ending notes", and it usually seems to come from something that was said by either one of you. Then the other person doesn't like it, and in return that person reacts. Not in the best way either. Hey, nobody's perfect, least of all me. I just think if you're going to be at H's beck and call, there is something you need to change on your end when you two are talking. Yes, bite your tongue, even when you know you're "right" and H is wrong. No sarcastic remarks. Whether you realize you're doing it or not, they do not bring your H closer to wanting to come back home.

And this:

Then he said he didn't want to talk about it anymore and I didn't let it go and so we ended on a bad note.

Try to respect his wish to let things go. It will do you both good.