Short recap. W has had multiple A's. Been in rehab for alcohol. Said that she wanted out on 9/15/08. left for a bit; now technically lives at home. Displays borderline personality disorder tendencies. She comes and goes as she pleases. Has a couple of online dating profiles posted. I'm still preparing for D; but leaving the window cracked. It's in God's hands.
Amy, Tawnya....It's 3.5 hours to my Mom's; I seriously doubt that she would drive up there. I'm not too keen on leaving without telling her first as I wouldn't want her to do that to me. She would have to know from me first that I was leaving early; just have to pick the right time to bust out the convo for fear that it might start R talks that I cannot back out of.
there you are I was getting worried! Tom, you and the kids first. no matter what, kids kids kids kids kids............
how are you today?
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
Oh...I wasn't suggesting that you leave without telling her. I was just thinking that if she brings it up again you could say, "Well, mom's H has the whole day off and I want the kids to spend as much time with mom and her H as possible. So, I actually thought we'd leave to go up there sometime that morning. Maybe you could come up after you get off that evening." I knew you wouldn't be cruel enough to just leave before she got home. Afterall, you are the that's posting here, right?
Hope your day was good!
Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
Nope..me either, not leaving without telling her, just the I'm going up that morning..like Amy said..
You are too good of a person to just up and go..but whatever you decide, you can totally handle it!! Even if you had to ride with her for like 3.5 hours..you could totally handle it! Tho I don't imagine you'd WANT to
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
Oh yeah, it is just as "she wants it" anyway, for now. I've been reading "I hate you, don't leave me." It's about people who suffer from BPD. There are several real-life stories in the book and it's amazing the thought processes in these people's minds. Some are my W to a T. Gives me some insight into her world as she perceives it. Her fear of abandonment keeps her here so long as she thinks that I'm waiting for her. But because she can't feel any real empathy, she's searching for that new love that puts a band-aid over the pain she's been feeling for years. I can't compete with that. I'm a normal guy who's tired of playing nice so that I don't get bitten by the emotional vampire.
I struggle with telling her how I really feel (that I pretty much hate her for what she's doing to the kids, still not home tonight)vs. keeping the cordial peace that I've been doing. I've been doing that for selfish reasons. Plain and simple, I want primary custody if there's a D. Given her BPD tendencies, I'm afraid that if I "rock the boat" too much before any filing; she will make my life a living hell. I do fear that she would use the kids as revenge toward me, even though she care less about the kids 95% of the time. She loves them, but only on her time and in her way.
Right now, I would be absolutely devastated if she got custody, because they depend on me daily. This is our schedule, 5am I get up and ready for work; 6am I get the kids up, fed, dressed on S on the bus at 6:55am, then D to early pre-school by 7:15am. Then I'm at work by 7:50 am and stay until 4:30pm. I'm picking D at 5:05pm; then S at 5:30pm. We're home by 5:45, if there are no sports practices or shopping to be done. Dinner no later than 6:30/7pm. Homework, then baths by 8pm. A little play time then bed by 9pm. And somewhere in there is laundry, cleaning the kitchen, feeding the petting zoo, etc.
W's schedule (if she's here). Up at who knows when. Out the door while we're gone. Comes home sometime during the night. If she stays home at night; she's either sleeping or eating. The only time the kids get any mommy time is if they lay in the bed or on the couch while she's watching TV.
So yeah, as long as I let that sitch perpetuate, she's got it made and in "her not right mind" it's as it should be. She thinks that she controls me and that's the way she wants it. Wait until I get the finances ready; she's dragging her feet on providing her payroll information. But see she knows that I won't file for D until this is taken care of; but what she doesn't know is that I can do it without her help. It may come to that. We'll see.
{{{{Tom}}}}} I still stand by my earlier statement that you are an amazing man, the things that you do for your kids is just so admirable that basically you and all of the LBH's rock
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
Thanks Tawnya; it's always nice to get encouraging words. It's a struggle for all of us here on these boards and we're all tough people getting through tough situations.
