Thanks, Purple...your calm, relaxed perspective is always so helpful to me.
Though it might sound strange to say this, as I finished a run this afternoon it occurred to me that my W's decision is kind of like a gift to both of us. Suddenly I have to accept and confront some truths about myself that I just hadn't wanted to deal with for years - and now I think I can face those personal issues head-on and make some real changes for myself...and make myself happier in the end.
Treating her like an acquaintance makes a lot of sense too - since that way I won't fall into any traps (inadvertently). I'll continue to let go, listen (if she ever talks with me), and be kind.
Feels good to live this way...albeit a bit lonely late at night or early in the mornings...that said, I've found that getting up and sitting zazen - just making a habit of it and doing it - helps fill that void of waking into a quiet house - so that's a permanent part of my life now.
xie xie, nw..I am far from shifu...nide peng you, though, I'm there!
OK, that's not fair, but I'll play. Esta tu hijito durmiendo todas las noches en la casa de la mujer? That could be a difficult pattern to break in the future.
It sounds like you're in a better place and moving forward. Good for you.
Nut... I can translate. xie xie means thanks. shifu means teacher or master nide peng you means old friend
Carlos (well deserved shifu) It is nice to see you doing great. I feel the same way. Without my crisis, I will never look at myself this truely and found lots of my shortcomings. This is one good thing that I can take away from. Now I have a chance to work on them to better myself. We all will be better for the people that we love and care. Our WAS can NEVER take this away from us....
Keep up the good work...!
NW626
Me:33 STBXW:38 S:3 It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you fight the fight....!!
thanks, Mike...I feel it getting easier and easier. Oddly enough, I even looked forward to being home alone tonight - and not having anywhere to go...
My W picked up baby later than usual tonight - so it was nice to get some extra time with him this evening.
I am learning more about being happy every day, and I find that happier I get, the more I just do things...and the less I think about what I have to do...so that's been great.
Hi NF: Si, mi hijito esta durmiendo en la casa de mi mujer...but I did get her to agree in writing that she will try to stop breastfeeding him in three months - at which point he can then spent nights with me...so that was a big deal for me.
I think I am in a much better place - enjoying the tranquility of home - realizing just how much of my attachment to her was just tied up in the fear of all that I would have to do once she left...and now it's getting to be the kind of wake-up call I've needed for years...so, in an odd, unexpected way, I'm grateful for the opportunity to grow.
She doesn't have to give up bf'ing altogether, just cut out the night feeds and replace with milk/formula in a bottle.
I was only able to bf for about 8 months, so I don't know what it's like to bf a 2 year old, but I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Maybe a bit of a control issue but nothing screwy.
** Purple
As soon as you trust yourself you will know how to live. Goethe
You're right...she doesn't have to give up bf altogether - though it does sometimes seem like she's doing it more for her connection to him now than for him...since it makes him need her more than he needs anyone else...at least that's what she said to me once.
I have to say that when he's with me he never seems to miss the bf...
Thanks again for recommending that song, Purple - great music.
I did get her to agree in writing that she will try to stop breastfeeding him in three months - at which point he can then spent nights with me...so that was a big deal for me.
I'm glad to see you worked that one through. Your posts tend to focus on the emotional/spiritual side of your journey and I mistakenly interpreted that as a lack of attention to the practical. Sorry to be a nag--no quiero estar haciendote lata.
