Trying2Live-Post #3

[faithrunner]

Hi Marisol!

I think it's a good sign that OW is putting pressure on him. She won't wait forever. So now you know what not to do. Wait for the negative feelings to subside and try to start engaging him as a friend. If it is easier to be with you than with OW, he will want to be around you more. There is always hope.

Also, he is still in blame mode. My H is, too. Don't believe any of what you hear, remember?

[marisol35]

Hi Hope and Faith!! T2L where are ya!!??

Hope - all the family knows about both affairs. Both women worked for the company he was at. He has since left the company but the 2nd OW still works there. The saddest part was that the whole company knows about him and her. Its almost like they joked about it. I was very disturbed by it because I knew all those people from company parties and some had even been to our house. I don't know OW parents although I know they live in Colorado which is where he went last month with her for a weekend.

Faith - I think its a good sign too...I hope she really shows him who she truly is. My guess is she will find another man very soon because that is the type of person she is. I know for a fact she has been with more than one man from where she works and my H knew about it too!!! When she realizes that my H is not going to become the millionaire he always talks about she will leave him. She isn't going to keep paying for his bills or buying him dinner every night.

There are just so many factors to consider for this R. Love isn't everything. He left me financially ruined. He has yet to really reach out to his daughter. He has lied. He has failed at everything he has tried. I feel like if I let him back he would push me back again whereas now I am finally starting to see the light and catch up on my bills, save money, and start to do things I wasn't able to do before. This is a battle for me. I love him unconditionally and I know I always will I just don't know if being with him is the best thing for me anymore. But if he were to come over tomorrow and make a pass at me I know I would give in and that's the crazy part!!!!! WHY!!!

I'm sure some of you feel the same way. Its like being stuck in limbo and not knowing which door to take to get out of it.

[faithrunner]

Marisol, I am in the exact same mindset you are. I had a bad Sunday and Monday (you can see from earlier posts on this thread). I really feel like I'm at my breaking point. I didn't even realize I had one, until I reached it.

So, I sat back and thought about H and the person he is and was. He has always run from family relationships, friends, and jobs. The only people he has fostered a real connection with are our sons (thankfully). No other adult connections and as soon as the job gets bad - he jumps. So what makes me think that he could be 100% different if he came back? And, I feel really good about the person I am now, just like you do. I had the very same thought - I will love him forever, but he is not the best person for me.

Don't get me wrong, he used to be a great guy. Very kind, generous. He would refuse to watch talk shows that had any hint of infidelity theme in them. Now his EA is the one he wants to be with forever. MLC is a terrible thing. I look at him and I don't even recognize the man he is today.

I have decided to DB for me. It is healing and keeps me motivated and positive. I also put my faith in God that he is doing a good work both in me and H, so that peace shines through me. These traits may draw back my H, and I would welcome a new relationship with him. If not, I still love the person I've become.

LOL, ask me tomorrow and I may tell you something completely different:)

[hope3343]

Hi all, just came from my meeting where H attends. It was very difficult today. H looked totally distracted and he is so bloated and looks so stressed. It is the worst I ever saw of him. If this is what is "making him happy", I don't want any of it. I caught him looking at me a bunch of times and then I would look over at him and he would look away. I sat in the meeting and was praying to God to give me strength. At one point I think my eyes filled up with tears. I looked away very quickly but I think H caught it. Here I am in a meeting with 10 men a cheating H and me. The meeting went over and H said he had to leave for another meeting. He says goodbye to me and whatever possessed me I said "call me", H says ok.
Now I don't know why I told him that. I think I just miss talking to him. I am waiting a 1/2 hour and texting him to say "never mind I don't need to talk to you". Let him figure it out. It is like he is becoming a stranger to me. Hate it.

[marisol35]

Faith - wow our H's sound exactly the same. Every time the job got tough he would quit and tell me about the next best thing he was going to do and how it was going to take us to the next level. I always believed him and now its hard to believe anything he has to say because looking back everything he wanted to do was for himself and no one else. I know he loves his kids more than his own life, he just doesn't know how to show it. He thinks that by telling them he loves them is enough. He doesn't really show them like a true father would.

He always told me he would never jeopardize our relationship because of how great it was. He would say it was not worth it at all to cheat when he had a wonderful woman like me. I remember those words very clearly and now it was hard for me even to type it in this message.

Hope - I'm sorry you had to endure that. I couldn't imagine sitting there the way you did. You are so strong and powerful!! It's ok that you said to call you just don't have any expectations that he will. I wouldn't send the text just wait and see. If he does then he truly wanted to talk to you, if he doesn't he may not be ready to talk. Remember no chasing according to T2L!!

I will wait and see how long it takes for my H to contact me again. I'm betting it will be this weekend when he knows that I will be at that party.

[hope3343]

Hiya faith, I already texted him. I wrote "you do not need to call me. I just needed your advice on something but I will work it out. Take care."
It will probably bug him more wondering what I needed his advice on (admiration - one of the top five from SAA - needing his opinion) instead of wondering why I needed him to call. Oh well. I don't see him till Friday now unless I run into him.

Faith/Marisol like both of you my H was not a cheater also. It is still shocking to me. When we used to talk about someone breaking up and if that was the reason my H would think the guy was an idiot. How things change.

T2L, where are you today girl? buying more lingerie!! lol

[marisol35]

Hope - you are probably right! He may be so curious that he will call you anyway...

I need to get that book....I will have to go buy it this weekend since Friday is payday...

Not sure if any of those plans would work for me at this point with my H set on D. But it doesn't hurt to keep reading and educating myself right? In the long run, if we are not meant to be then at least I can take what I have learned into my next relationship and make it better.

[Trying2live]

Ok sorry guys, guess who popped over today?!?!?

We were not expecting him til tomorrow so I need to catch up but I got church in a little, so I'll get on tonight. Hey Marisol did you have a chance to read back about 3 days worth? Sounds silly but there's a lot of great info if you have the time.

Ok guys back in a bit....

[faithrunner]

Hope, were you wearing your new hot clothes? I bet H beat it out of there b/c he knows he looks like H##L and you look amazing, calm, and graceful! I know what you mean about what slips out of your mouth. We're only human to get lost in the moment. But, I think you turned it around beautifully and probably made him curious, like never mind-I don't need you anyway. Awesome!

Marisol, my H would say the same thing! This next job is going to do this, this, and this - it will be great! Really now I can see that it was more an inability to commit.

I think it's good we can all say that our H was not a serial cheater. It proves that this is a break with reality for them.

My H also looked like crud tonight. Stomach trouble, as usual, tired and bloated. Meanwhile, when I got here, he had already made my dinner, packed my lunch, bathed the kids, made bottles for the baby. Talk about mixed messages. I was grateful and said thanks a lot (I think admiration is one of his top needs). I felt such an amazing sense of peace, prayed a lot today to let God fight this battle for me. I felt like He carried me.

[marisol35]

Well ladies...i know one of the first rules in this is not to snoop and I have broken that rule. I figured out his password to his new email account. Saw pics they took together for halloween. Also read an email from him to her that said "sounds good huh... (XXX) her first name (XXXXXX) his last name" she says yes it does! he says whatever you want to do mrs. XXXXXX and she says Nope not mrs. XXXXX yet! Then he replies "keyword...yet!" I also saw emails about Christmas and how he promised her a good Christmas to not let her down. He says he will work hard to give her a great Christmas and that she is his girl.

So I know it has been said to believe nothing you hear and only half of what they do. This must be the hardest thing for anyone to do because when I see stuff like this it makes me want to just walk away. How can I want him back when he is telling these things to this woman? I keep asking myself if it is really worth it? It's amazing that these emails were going back and forth just on Monday then he texts me Tuesday asking about the divorce.

He doesn't show any interest like your husbands (faith, hope, T2L). I'm slowly loosing my hope and facing the reality that its over. I know I have said I was going back and forth but after this and him just to even hint marriage to her sickens me.

I don't know ladies....the door is close to closing for me.