No 2x4's. You said "I'm waiting to SEE what will happen, not putting my faith in words", so to me, you have your $hit together as you more often than not do!
Besides, I expect no less from my trusted side kick!! Atta girl SB!
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
It seems to me that he is using the baby as an excuse to extend his gambling behavior, in a way. Since he can't (won't) decide anything until the baby is born (for no good reason that I can think of), he can keep gambling! It takes a pretty clever mind to come up with that! So, I've got to give hime clever. I'd have to think that if he really wants to come back, he takes real steps to stop the gambling, cut ties with the OW, and acts like he want to come back. So, it seems to me, that for the time being, coming back is not his priority. Maybe when the baby is born that changes, from here I don't see it. No expectations. I hope I'm wrong!
It seems to me that he is using the baby as an excuse to extend his gambling behavior, in a way. Since he can't (won't) decide anything until the baby is born (for no good reason that I can think of), he can keep gambling! It takes a pretty clever mind to come up with that! So, I've got to give hime clever. I'd have to think that if he really wants to come back, he takes real steps to stop the gambling, cut ties with the OW, and acts like he want to come back. So, it seems to me, that for the time being, coming back is not his priority. Maybe when the baby is born that changes, from here I don't see it. No expectations. I hope I'm wrong!
I agree with you, Jeff.
Corey, I hope you realize that when I'm "swingin' the 2x4's", I'm just being real. I think it's really hard for you to see that and understand it sometimes since you're in the middle of this. The daily ongoing contact with H also adds to the confusion of the fog. Makes detaching that more difficult to achieve, IMO, but it is your sitch, and I understand that you are choosing not to go dark or even dim.
I truly hope things turn around for all involved.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
It seems to me that he is using the baby as an excuse to extend his gambling behavior, in a way. Since he can't (won't) decide anything until the baby is born (for no good reason that I can think of), he can keep gambling! It takes a pretty clever mind to come up with that! So, I've got to give hime clever. I'd have to think that if he really wants to come back, he takes real steps to stop the gambling, cut ties with the OW, and acts like he want to come back. So, it seems to me, that for the time being, coming back is not his priority. Maybe when the baby is born that changes, from here I don't see it. No expectations. I hope I'm wrong!
Jeff, you and I believe the same thing. He is not some devious mastermind, so don't even give him points for being clever. This is not rocket science. He is using it as a crutch so he can continue being a loser. I have no expectations at this point, I was merely reporting what I was told. Thats not to say that I believe it. Of course I WANT to, but I know better. Been burnt once too many times on this one.
Originally Posted By: GoingForward
Corey, I hope you realize that when I'm "swingin' the 2x4's", I'm just being real. I think it's really hard for you to see that and understand it sometimes since you're in the middle of this. The daily ongoing contact with H also adds to the confusion of the fog. Makes detaching that more difficult to achieve, IMO, but it is your sitch, and I understand that you are choosing not to go dark or even dim.
I appreciate you being real and I would rather hear the truth than what someone thinks I want to hear. Your right, the costant contact makes this harder, but to be perfectly honest I don't think my H is in the fog anymore...hes just an addict. He is a gambling junkie and until he is ready to fix that problem within himself, he will continue to be a junkie.
I'm waiting to see what transpires. Things are going to come to a head one way or another, very soon.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Corey, I have to agree as well. I would much rather hear the truth of what people think than to hear what they think I want to hear. It seems to happen alot too. Just tell it like it is, you know? I do think it's easier for "outsiders" to see the sitch better than we can see our own since we're all deep into our own sitches. Not just you or me, but everyone.
The gambling addiction is only a small piece of the bigger issue. Can't place blame on that one part alone. He might quit gambling someday, he might not. Either way, IMO, it's not the only thing that influences his decision to be with OW.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
((((((Corey)))))) I thought that's what you thought. Just wanted to put it in black and white. He would like your thinking to be as clouded as his. I know it isn't!
The gambling addiction is only a small piece of the bigger issue. Can't place blame on that one part alone. He might quit gambling someday, he might not. Either way, IMO, it's not the only thing that influences his decision to be with OW.
See I think its the opposite. I think that the Troll and everything that has happened with that is a symptom of a bigger problem, which is his gambling. What causes that....remains to be seen, if he goes to counseling that long. I have thought all along that his addiction is what has led him so far astray.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
The gambling is quite a problem, I agree. But you don't think it might have anything to do with how you two interact together? How you both choose to communicate with one another?
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
I personally don't believe it's the gambling alone that got you, your H, and your M to this place. You both played a part. H played his, you played yours. What was it? We know his, and only he can work on that.
I think back to my sitch and how my H always used to be out gambling. It put a lot of strain on our R, to say the least. I couldn't (and wouldn't) see how I chose to communicate my frustration to H. I didn't stop to think, "Hmm, is what I'm about to say to H going to help us? Or hurt us even more?" Like you've posted about yourself, I'd throw the sarcasm out there. I didn't care. I believed he needed to hear it. He did need to hear it. But not in the way I chose to say it to him. And that wasn't just always about the gambling. There were other issues as well.
I read your posts, and many times there are a lot of "bad ending notes", and it usually seems to come from something that was said by either one of you. Then the other person doesn't like it, and in return that person reacts. Not in the best way either. Hey, nobody's perfect, least of all me. I just think if you're going to be at H's beck and call, there is something you need to change on your end when you two are talking. Yes, bite your tongue, even when you know you're "right" and H is wrong. No sarcastic remarks. Whether you realize you're doing it or not, they do not bring your H closer to wanting to come back home.
And this:
Quote:
Then he said he didn't want to talk about it anymore and I didn't let it go and so we ended on a bad note.
Try to respect his wish to let things go. It will do you both good.
Last edited by GoingForward; 11/06/0812:15 AM.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
