WDID I could tell that he sounded really down after he left the Cs office. He was mad at himself for gambling all weekend and losing all of his money. He then starts talking about how he is scared that if he comes home that we won't be able to make it. That is this is his baby there will always be a constant reminder of this, etc.... He was talking about how he knew I probably had the same feelings and maybe we are just done. Then he said he didn't want to talk about it anymore and I didn't let it go and so we ended on a bad note.
I called him a little later and said I was sorry if he feels like I'm trying to pressure him and he said he knows how I must feel, that this is my life and he understands. He also said he felt like he was in sensory overload.
When we spoke later on again last night after he had some time to process more he said that he thought if we both were willing to work on it that we could make it. There was more discussion and I told him its hard for me because I know what he tells me, but its hard for me to believe. I asked him where his heart is and he said, "I've told you all along." and when I asked him what it meant he said, "I've told you all along that I'm working towards coming home, thats what I want." I told him that sometimes I need to hear that and then we pretty much dropped it.
I don't know what to believe, what do you think? Sometimes I feel like he uses the gambling as an excuse for continuing bad behavior, but he is also admitting more and more that he KNOWS the gambling is the cause of everything that is/has gone on. After his last session he told me he thought he was going to have to tell "this guy everything" and when I asked what he meant, he said, "Everything, stuff I don't want to talk about." (Childhood stuff).
I also know that the closer it gets to the due date of this baby, the more stressed he gets, everything is just coming to a head right now.
Never fear 2X4 swingers...I'm waiting to SEE what will happen, not putting my faith in words.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
