For the Guy with Kids and a WW Diciotto

[Dash]

Is it really the right thing when trying to win her back? I can understand doing it for MY benefit. I just see the flip side as helping her to build the life she wants away from me.

I can certainly understand how you're feeling BC. I struggle with this as well. But isn't it really for our benefit that we're doing any of this? Isn't that what it's supposed to be about? We're on the road to being better men, to understanding ourselves better and becoming healed from all that we're going through right now. It helps me to read what you're going through and compare it to my own situation. Like the book says, looking at it from the outside so to speak.

If our WAWs decide to go on with their lives away from us this is something we have to accept. We've already accepted the pain we're going through at the moment, it's not such a big stretch to accept a little more.

She doesn't have to deal with me. She's probably happy as hell that I'm being dark with her. It's what she wants. Less guilt for her to deal with.

Patience my friend. I know I need this more than anything else at the moment. Again, reading your situation and seeing it from the outside helps me see mine in so much clearer context. Right now it's the "calm before the storm".

I keep trying to remind myself that if things don't work out between me and W, it's her loss. I'm not saying I don't still grieve, get angry, feel hurt or feel a sense of loss, but I know as the good book says, "this too shall pass" (BTW, I'm not religious, but I have read the bible). What she will be cheating herself out of is the best husband and friend that I could possibly be. Not to mention the best human being that I could be. And I won't let her take that away from me. With or without her, I will persevere.

If he could do it, I could do it.

You can indeed good sir.

I'm an intelligent, thinking, caring man who is able to decide what hurts me and doesn't hurt me and that I know what I want.

Print this out and carry it on an index card in your back pocket. Laminate it and pull it out every time you have an interaction with you W that hurts you.

Does it hurt you more to see her current lifestyle or being "dark" with her? I know the answer for me, because I do well when I'm "dark", it's when I see her and listen to her plans for the future that really gets to me.

This is about you, not about her. This is for you, not for her. I miss my family too, but I'll be d4mned if I let my WAW keep me from being the best father that I can be to our son.

Like I said, if she doesn't ever come around, it's her loss. And in a way I feel sorry for her, because she will never be truly happy.
I will definately be picking his brain.

I just hope I can keep being strong.

You can. I think it was Henry Ford that said "Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right."

Dash