(((Deauxlie))) Our mutual friend Craig was right. You know exactly what you are talking about. Thanks for all of that, because you just put into words what I could not.

That is exactly how I feel. I think I will print that and put it up lol!!!

You are right, and I do know this takes time. I am solid on this, I love my H, and I know he is suffering right now. I also know there is not a damned thing I can do for him.

But I can do for me, so that if the time comes when he wants to try again, I will be able to be strong and recommit. I want to be the best I can be, for me and for D12 right now.

So here is my first step:

I am going to stop looking back. I cannot change nor control the past. All I can do is set goals for the future.

Goals:

1. I am moving after the first of the year. Now that the bills are under control, I realize that I can afford a little more in rent, and I would like to rent a house for me and D12, nothing fancy, something closer to the school and with our own space.

That is my first goal. February/March, 2009.

I am looking at my feet...

Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..