Is this a mid-life crisis?

[techguy]

Bettou,

Just be unpredictable. You just want to disrupt your husbands pre-concieved notions about you. He knows exactly how the 'old' Bettou would behave and he doesn't want the person. You need to behave differently and literally confuse him. Once he is confused then curisity will start to kick in. This will lead to more interactions and, in time, he will start to form a new mental image of this new Bettou.

These changes don't have to be profound. They don't have to make you more attractive. They don't need to have any bearing on your relationship. As I noted before, I gave up Diet Coke.

This may seem trivial. But my wife knew that I used to drink about 8-10 cans per day. When she found out I quit, it really confused her. She called me up and started asking me what had possesed me to give something up that was so ingrained. Guess what... I got to have a conversation that she initiated!

The martial arts class is good 'mystery' material. Just find some opporitunity to <vaugely> mention that you're taking a class or that your excercising more. By vague. Otherwise it isn't mysterious. You just want to dangle the hook a little bit and see if they will 'bite' by asking for more details.

In general, GAL activities are good sources of mystery. So GAL helps your mood and self-esteem, but also helps your relationship with H by supplying mystery.

Of course, right now you aren't getting many chances to dangle the hook. But your H will contact you again at some point. You should have a library of available mystery topics and be ready.

Down the road there are more personal items once you get some in-person interactions. For example, my wife was over at my place picking up some stuff. She bent over and her shirt pulled up. I could see she had a set of red, pretty sexy underware. She used to wear 'old lady white'. I can promise you I noticed and it was very mysterious. I immediately start wondering who she is buying that underware for? Why did she?

And BTW, the martial arts class is good because it sets you up to posture yourself as more aggressive. Sometime when he sends you a mail with a chit-chatty tone, you can reply backwith humor. Tell him he'd better be good or you will come over and break his arm. This will challenge his assumptions and will be a 180 of sorts. If you have been needy in the past, being more assertive and powerful is a good thing.