THe decision to have no contact for a bit is what I thought was a good decision.
It does seem counterproductive, but remember I said you should do this because you were starting to hate her.
There are two families of thought...one, stay away and let her miss you and realize she doesn't get you AND her other life....two, love her, spend as much time with her as possible, get truth darts in there, show her the man she is married to........I think either can work depending on the circumstances.
Most would say to do the first right now because of your feelings lately. You seemed about ready to call it quits because of the "in your face" things that occured (seeing the OM's shoes, hearing their conversations, etc.). Also, what you have been doing hasn't been working. It's the DB technique. I can tell you if my H had backed off and I thought he was moving on I would have started to worry. I would have probably tried to contact him more and keep him from emotionally leaving me. BUT.....I hadn't moved out of the house having my OM openly stay with me and have my H know about it. So, there is a difference there.
In the Fireproof movie it shows how the wife had started to move on....found another man.....even filed papers. The movie took the other approach. The H continued to love her and show her love and do "The Love Dare" (book). Praying. He knew about the OM, came to his work, and told him he would be FIGHTING For HIS WIFE'S heart.
So, not sure the right way. You will know. But, I do know that the friend that has come to your life again will be very valuable for you. Just like the Dad in the movie was for the husband.
