Got 3 phone calls from w at work - kid stuff, what time will I be home since she needs to go buy clothes for new job. 3rd call I missed & get a text message few mins later saying she gave kids bath already so I wouldn't have to & to call her after I got done voting to see about either picking up kids or having her drop them off. Hour later get another phone call wondering if I got her text. Then w tells me she has to cook dinner for cousin's family - since living there rent free has to help - I joke about earning your keep. Tell her I will call & if she is busy making dinner I will just come by to pick up kids.
Vote, call, go to pick up kids. S4 has a complete meltdown about leaving - wants to stay over. D2 was sleeping, wakes up when put in carseat & starts her crying as well. W says sorry & I just remark that it will be a fun ride home - just a 10 min drive. Get home & w calls about 10 mins later - just let machine pick it up. Just checking on kids to see if they are ok & to call her if I want later.
Kids cry on & off for the next hour - wearing away my patience with them. W calls again - I answer. Asks if kids are ok - no, been crying since I left. D2 sitting in my lap & wants to talk to w - she found a pic of w & was holding it crying for mom for 30 mins. Then S4 comes in room & wants to talk to m. Leaves room with phone & I can hear him crying about wanting to go back to cousins house with mom. W asks him to give me back phone so she can talk to me.
Says that she told S4 she would come by house to go to sleep with kids. I told her that would be great but I think S4 will want to leave with her when she goes back to cousins & will just repeat the same scenario as now. W agrees but asks what am I going to do. I reached my breaking point & unloaded a bit on w. Told her that I needed to get some financial paperwork done to try to save house - could not find time over past week to work on this. Thought tonight would be ok but didn't work out that way. Now I have a major headache, patience worn thin & then just stopped, saying that you don't need to hear any of this, sorry & I had to go - bye & hung up. Realized that I was venting to the wrong person - better late then never.
5 mins later phone rings from w. She starts saying that she would watch the kids when I needed her to, but that I had to ask her - she wasn't a mind reader! Says that I am the one who told her that I didn't want her around the house since it made me uncomfortable. I told her that if she was really offering me some help I was not receiving it that way. It felt like she was blaming me for getting frustrated with the kids & not being able to finish what I needed to do because I failed to ask her for help. She said that was not what she meant - she was really just trying to offer her help. I told her thanks for clarifying that.
Then I discussed the not wanting her in the house. Asked her if that were true, why would I have given her a key to the house? Why would I have let you clean the house or had the garage sale here if I that was true? Said that I realized that I had made decisions in the past party to hurt you back. That is not how I want to live my life. Have accepted things the way they are, chosen to be happy & just enjoy each day without expectations. Realized I was getting into a R talk so I just said I didn't want to talk about this over the phone. She suggested that Wed night we talk - ok with me.
I then asked if she would come over to deal with the kids. She said sure but she wanted to leave at 9:30 so she didn't want to talk tonight - I understand - no problem. 20 mins later w arrives, kids cheer up, she plays with them & leaves me an hour to get done what I needed to do - a budget. Spending 2K more a month than what I make so need to get house situation in order pronto!
W leaves at 9:30 - thank her again for coming by to help with kids. Told her I was going to watch The Shield @ 10. We had watched each season up to now together. 10:15 I get a txt from w commenting on show - end up sending 5 msgs back & forth. Had a hard time sleeping. Mind was trying to run all kinds of scenarios & assumptions about Wed night's talk.
W picks up kids this morning. Asks me to get coats since it is a bit chilly - I get a pair for kids. D2 has cream cheese all over her face - W asks her what she ate - bagel - I say yeah, all she does is just lick the cream cheese. We all just laugh - just a moment but it felt so normal. She is cooking pork chops - cya tonight.
No expectations. Really just want her to talk, look her in eye, validate her feelings & just LISTEN.
Me/W 39/37 T/M 9/6 S 4, D 2 Bomb 7/17/08 OM confirmed 7/23/08 D Filed 7/25/08 D served 9/17/08
