...What is done can keep you down, and only love can turn around And yesterday won't make a sound as you climb
Walkin' 'round the tower of love stuck on the ground I can't climb up Seems like every time I look up Rain's comin' down Storm clouds above
Big Head Todd and the Monsters
Still talking to her. I found out last week's standoff from her was PMS. She says even though no period, she still has hormones causing up and down mood swings. "Why am I the only one who isn't allowed to be grumpy once in a while?" I told her I'm sorry that I didn't sense this in her.
Found out it is really starting to get on her nerves that I am here all of the time now (still looking for a job). "I am so used to being on my own all day long and now you are here." I said that I'd rather be working but until I find a job this is where I'll be. Do you want me to go hang out at the library all day or something? "Yeah you can hang out with all of the other bums there. LOL" I did laugh at this too. She worries about no money coming in, which won't won't be for another 6 months yet. God I hope I'm working again by then.
I also asked her if she would please continue to touch and kiss me for no particular reason. It feels so nice when she comes to find me to give me a reassuring touch.... even better a kiss.
Sunday night we ML. No crazy fireworks but she did tell me whenever there was discomfort which is a move in the right direction anyway.
Cinco
Me49 W49 D17 M23 Sep01 Me PA 1 Jan02 filed D Mar02 ended A 1 reconcile Apr08 Me PA 2 May08 ended A 2 Aug09 A's revealed My latest thread Drive
So glad to see you are talking, what did she say when you asked for more touching?
As for her telling you when there is pain for you, WOOOTTTTTTTTT< that's a HUGE step in the right direction. If she starts to only feel pleasure, here's hoping she'll want more. But, still hope for you both that she still talks to the Dr.
Cinco, KY makes a lube that is egg shaped, clear, about 1" long that is placed in the vagina w/an applicator & melts gradually. Lasts for as much as 4 days. Liquibeads its called. Might have better "coverage" since its moving down from way inside instead of applied with penetration. Does that sound diplomatic enough? Anyway, might be worth a try. Also, knowing when the PMS was, you can kind of watch the calendar, too.
good luck
me: 66 H:60 2 adult sons 2 grandsons adult daughter deceased 5/05 me:Part time trainer H: plant suprv.
It had been building since yesterday. Every time I wanted to say something to her, she would get all pissy and huffy. She has this talk radio "addiction" and if I try to talk to her while she has her ear buds in, I'm never sure if she is listening to me or not. Sometimes she'll have only one in and hears that you are talking at her (I think like Charlie Brown's parents) but never really hears what you said. This morning before we went to the polls I wanted to tell her something funny, she grunted and didn't seem interested and then when I said "Oh forget it" wanted me to tell her what it was. By that time I was pissed. "Who wants to talk to someone that doesn't want to listen?" She finally got me to tell her and apologized.
Got back from voting and then all afternoon any time I came near her she would rip the ear buds out each time I got anywhere near, even if I wasn't saying anything. I could tell she was annoyed at me. It hacked me off too. Finally I decided to get the hell out of the house. No sense in staying around where I wasn't wanted. Found her and said I'd be back later. "Where are you going?" OUT! I can tell you don't want me around so I'm going to get out of your way for a while.
Somehow she starting talking and we had one of our rehashing conversations where I repeat all of the things I've been saying for months now and so does she.
About the only thing "new" that came out was that I have always been a "toucher" and she has never been one. "It's not in my nature to always want to touch. That's the way you are but not me." I guess that is the problem between us then? If we are incompatible then what are we doing together?
She went on to say that she is trying very hard to change. To this I said the changes have to be permanent, they can't be a temporary thing until I get over my wanting to be "all touchy and feely". If we can't learn to meet each other's needs and feel loved the way in which we feel it most then how do we move forward?
We hugged and it felt like maybe our points got across to each other. I still left because I needed to just think on my own. I went for a drive around the lake and was back about 2 hours later.
Like you Diane, I think she will do anything to get me off of her back... Anything except to make real and lasting changes to meet my need for a "real" loving physical relationship.
Jayce - I'll look into that KY egg shape thing. Sounds like that would be ideal. Now just to convince her of that.
Ok, I could see this one coming from a long time ago but it's yet another strike against me (us). I hope no one here will hold this against me and I'm only telling this as it relates to Mrs. Cinco and myself.
Mr. and Mrs. Cinco are both Republicans, always have been always will be (we do have many friends from that "other" party and in fact don't talk politics with really anyone). It is in fact one of the major things that we both agree on (that's a good thing for us BTW).
Ok now here's the bad news... Since the Dems are now taking over everything on the Federal level Mrs. Cinco will be in deep depression. How do I know this? It happened 2 years ago when the Dems took congress and even I believe started our last long stretch of infrequent ML. She gets so wrapped up in it and can't just let it go. For me when I saw how the election was turning out I just threw my hands up, said I've seen enough and went to go listen to some music. It's done, what can we do about it now? That's my opinion at least.
How many more things can go wrong this year to screw things up for us? .... sigh ~5
I am still around. I have just been lurking for the most part, But I have been keeping up with your situation.
My Husband is also a talk radio addict and also a strong republican. My Husband will also be depressed for a while over this. I keep telling him he needs to stop listening to these talk shows so much, because all they do is depress him and make him scared for the future. I can understand a little listening but if you are going to let it ruin your day, like my husband does I think he needs to cut some of it out.
Shelby
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
Shelby - I'm glad you are still around, I hope things are going well with you.
PULL THE EAR BUDS OUT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE AM RADIO!!!
If it were only that simple. Is there a TalkRadio spouses support group out there somewhere? Here is how her weekday is typically spent:
Wake up to local talk show. This one is pretty harmless (I even do this too except my show is FM radio and has a little music mixed in, 30 minutes of this and I'm done for the day). It's mostly funny and local events type stuff.
Next comes a local conservative show by Mark Davis that bridges the gap to...
Rush Limbaugh... which leads to...
Sean Hanity...
And now she has even added Mark Levin. So a pretty solid day of listening until about 5pm and sometimes 6pm. She has actually sat at the diner table listening before (thankfully that does not happen very often).
Well there you have it another one of the pieces to my puzzle.
Hmmmmmmmm, Has this always been the3 case with the " ear buds and raido " ? Or do you see them come out more when she knows you want to talk or anything else for that matter. ?? I know my husband when he wants to avoid me more then usual, he will watch fishing programs on the computer or tv. Anywhere, and just stare at them like his life depended on it. So I was wondering if maybe that is what she does also. Knowing it might save her from a " talk " !!
About the only thing "new" that came out was that I have always been a "toucher" and she has never been one. "It's not in my nature to always want to touch. That's the way you are but not me." I guess that is the problem between us then? If we are incompatible then what are we doing together? <<< HOW did you respond to that one? Ouch!
Diane - It doesn't matter if she is alone or we are around, she's listening to her "shows". The irritation for her is when D or I interrupt her hearing something "important" (not like she won't hear the same thing repeated about 10 times later).
I was the one that asked "What are we still doing together?". I guess it wasn't clear who was saying what there. She answered by saying she is trying. She answered with the question, "How can I change the way that I have been for 48 years? I'm making little baby steps, but I can't change overnight. You want me to change instantly and I can't do that."
She is right, I wanted these changes yesterday. When you decide that you can't live this way any longer you want your new life to begin right away, not be put off until this or that happens.
If the results of national elections are able to drive your wife into depression and therefore affect your relationship so severely, then there is obviously something unhealthy going on there that needs to be addressed.
From what I have observed, ALL radio talk show hosts, either on the left or the right, make their livings and boost their popularity by being extremely opinionated (and egotistical), confrontational toward anyone who dares to disagrees with them, sensationalizing any news item that crosses their desk, demonizing of all those with whom they take issue, and being inflammatory --> they revel in fanning the flames of passion in all those who listen to and agree with them. They promote, to the extreme, an US vs. THEM view of the world, where if "they" ever take charge, Armageddon will come and all of our babies will end up on pitchforks carried by demons in the streets. It's all very exaggerated and unrealistic -- but it sells radio air time.
I don't know how you convince her that this is a very unhealthy addiction: that she needs to put the ear-buds aside and focus on enjoying HER OWN LIFE, with you, rather than pinging on all of that inflammatory stuff -- stuff which she has no direct control over anyway (beyond voting). Your wife needs to take a lesson from James Carvel and Mary Matalin: who sit on VERY opposite sides of the political spectrum, but still respect each other, openly display their love for each other, and get on with their lives --> even when one or the other of them has suffered a severe political defeat. I imagine that they're pretty entertaining in bed too....
Take care,
-- B.
Me 50, W 45, M for 26 yrs S25, D23, S13, S10 20+ year SSM; recovery began Oct 2007
But, still hope for you both that she still talks to the Dr. 
~5
Here is how her weekday is typically spent: