Surrendering to hope

[istherehope]

Hi Jen,

Thanks as usual for this!

So you're right about the career thing. It's simply that I am worried if he sees things going badly for me, he will use it as another excuse about why he shouldn't be with me. His logic is so bizarre these days.

OK point taken on the note. I guess I hover between wanting to let him do things for me as I think it might actually boost his self-esteem (yes I know me looking out for him but a better self-esteem helps the R too...), and pulling back. I think in this case then I'll do something sort of in the middle. It will be hard for me, but I just won't mention the outlet stores at all. I am going to simply leave a note saying that I'll be at X's house. Then if he brings up the stores again in a timely fashion, like today or tomorrow morning, I could go, but if he waits until the last minute, I may put him off. Thing is that I am going to need to come here by Sunday and get some things if I don't stay, but I am truly giving up control this time and am not telling him that I'll be coming to stay or anything like that. I am confident that if I don't reach out, he will. I think every day this last week has shown me that. I also want him to see that he does not need to panic for me to give him space, and that I can make my own decisions around this as well...

Jen--you're totally right about letting him deal with his own guilt. I have been so in the mode of trying to help here as it's his guilt that seems to be talking every time he says something about me moving on or other similarly painful things. I was hoping that since the guilt is related to me, I could help with it. I will try your suggestion of somehow ignoring it...

Thanks as always for your support!

ITH