Is this a mid-life crisis?

[techguy]

Hey Bettou,

That's an excellent list of changes!

I'm a purple belt in Tae Kwon Do, so I love the martial arts idea. It will serve you well.

I absolutely understand your angst about not seeing your husband. I have kids, so that helps 'force' some interactions with my wife that you don't get. But that just means you have to 'earn' your interactions with your husband. Things will start slower. But there are two keys:

Make it easy for your husband to interact. Be cheery, don't bring up R, etc... A sad wife who makes their husband feel guilty by talking about R is not fun. Husband will avoid you if you do this. So you already started making it easier for husband by sending your light-hearted email.

The second key is to be mysterious. That is just another way of talking about being 'unpredictable'. These little things catch the attention of your husband and make him curious. Then he wants to ask questions and pretty soon your interactions are increasing.

The hardest thing to accept is that you simply don't control this situation. All you can do right now is make the best DB'ing choices to indirectly influence your husband. I read somewhere else on this board that the person who cares the least about the marriage is always in control. Sad, but true.

Here are a few thoughts to try and help you in the mean time (while you are waiting for the occasional husband contact). First, have you tried to 'make' yourself get angry at H? I read this in a book as a tool to combat sadness. Just think about how cruel he is being to you, etc... and get pissed. Sure, your trading anger for sadness. But most people function better when they are angry than sad. And the anger typically helps your self-esteem.

Another thought: Have you read any Eastern Philosophy books? Sounds kind of 'off the wall' at first, but I've found Buddhism to be very helpful. I'll post a link in my next post.