Trying2Live-Post #3

[Trying2live]

Faith and ya'll too.

I've been really thinking about this and shared it with hope too.

The 1st most most most important thing that needs to happen is to reduce the negative stuff happening between you and your spouse. This is furthering the damage. This is probably going to mean that your really going to have to limit contact. If your H has moved out like mine then it's going to be really easy for you. If not your definitely going to have to be creative. But it can be done. And it does not mean be snotty. If you live with them be gone when they are there-use this time to go to the gym and do GAL activities and leave when they come to visit the kids-sweetly say I'm so glad your hear I needed to get some errands done I'll be back at the end of the visit and scram. you may need to turn down some phone calls and maybe even not respond until the next day. When you talk on the end conversation quickly and sweetly-it was great talking with you but I gotta go I'm late kinda thing. Maybe don't respond to emails for a day or so if it's not important. Let the dust settle and the best way for this is reduce negative emotions. Always interact sweetly, cheerfully and be confident. This can be done-yes its hard as heck-but you can do it.

Ok I want you to get this visual. For all of us the marriage and relationship as we knew it is gone. It must start all over again. Guess what that means? Do you remember how you courted each other? Remember how the friendship and conversation was the start? None of this can happen until all this negative emotion, arguing and blaming is going on. I'm not saying you don't have a right-you do, but is that going to get you the results you want?
My H said that I didn't listen, and I had to look at that and accept in my part of the breakdown. Remember in DB how she says we have investigating to do, find out what it is our H found so attractive in the OW. For me I think a good part was the ability to listen, it hurts to know this but I can live in hurt land and lash out or I can give this one good stinking fight for my marriage.

I post at another forum and they help me with my Plan B. They are amazed at how I can hold it together. Like last week when I gave my H a lap dance(ok this is a 180 for me because I never initiated and of course the cheated on OW again LOL) and guess what I saw on him a stinking hickie(the Hoe is marking her territory) now I could have came unglued(and believe me it stung) but I smiled and looked at it and said ewe I don't like your hickie and laughed. He made some dumb excuse and had a dumb look on his face. Later I say yeah right that is a hickie and I laugh, someone's getting nervous smile and walk out of the room and dropped it totally. There are more instances of situations where I could have went ballistic but I made the conscious CHOICE to bridle my mouth. It's not easy but losing my marriage would be worse.

I NEVER talk about our relationship status, I'd rather he wonder a bit and since he's in the fog still I don't want to her fog status on my marriage.

We all must become masters of our selves during this fight for our marriage. Masters of our mouth mostly and its the hardest thing we may ever do because of the pain factor, but I want you all to get to the goal that you want and that's your marriage.

Your relationships have to start all over. Pull back limit the contact, no relationship talks EVER, allow a little bit of time to let things die down then there may be the point where the friendship can start. Your going to have to accept the fact that for now they are going to be bad fathers, mine was and I didn't protect him from it. You are going to have to pull more weight in the parental area, but thank God the kids have you! They are not going to do anything with normal common sense and if you argue with a crazy man what does that make you? As time goes by the fog lifts from time to time but that doesn't happen for a bit.
everyday I have hope for my marriage, but DAILY I HAVE NO EXPECTATIONS. I live by this and it protects me from additional hurts. When I expected normalcy and love from my H i only continued to get hurt, not I expect nothing and it keeps me safer and then I can continue a strong Plan A(SAA book).

Ladies, its a hard season to be going through this but visualize your self having as much joy and peace as you can during this time. Don't visualize your self suffering. Try to say daily, I am going to make it and I am going to be ok during the Holidays and I am going to try to have happiness in the midst of the storm. Our bodies literally respond to our words, there are so many studies on this. Start speaking life and victory over yourself.
Have no expectations over the holiday of your spouses, if you have any expectation at all is should only be to experience alien activity from them, okay. Even when it comes to the kids. Make a short term goal for yourself to make it through the holidays with as much joy as you can. Its easier to shoot for shorter goals and more achievable as well.

I want you all reconciled in your marriages. WE all have a 50/50 chance. That means there is a 50% percent chance they may come home and you need to work it like you never have before and apply all the strategies to accomplish this. It's one thing to have knowledge but a whole other to apply it. Everyone has knowledge but few apply it and those are the successful ones.

Sorry its so long, but we have a chance, there is always that small chance so draw a darn line in the sand, get out your duct tape and apply to mouth LOL(I'm kidding), ok back to subject...draw a line in the sand and use the tips, tools and strategies to fight for your marriage. Have the resolve of a warrior because you truly are in the fight of your life and its gonna take a focused warrior to win this one, and add lots of pinches of prayer and I think maybe we all got a shot.

I believe you all can do this.

I'm off to vote!!!

Twinhope,Marisol, Jgrind and others big hugs and hellos. XOXO