You are right that it is unclear from my posts, but I have been focusing on me, too. Here are some of the changes I have made in the last 3 months: I have lost 20 pounds, I have successfully stayed off of anti-depressants throughout this separation (I was on them for anxiety and OCD), I have kept running, I have increased my strength-training workouts, I have changed the color of my hair, I have started taking horesback riding lessons. Recently, I have begun to visit places H and I went together to rid them of their "these places make me really sad" taboo. I have learned how to change the filters in the AC unit at the house, I have taken over H's garden (not that I know what I am doing). I am signing up for martial arts classes to work on my fear issues and reading a lot (about self-esteem, living alone and enjoying life, saving my M).
You are right that my posts have been focused on H. I think that is because, despite all of these changes, I still feel really lost and sad. I guess I am looking for answers from people who have some longer experience with this. I am struggling to understand the balance between not focusing on H yet working to save the M.
I do understand that the old me was not one worth staying with in H's eyes. I just wonder how he is going to even see the new me if he won't initiate meetings and I am not chasing/pursuing.
Thank you for taking so much time to read my posts and give me your insight. It is really nice of you and I do appreciate it.
